LRT UNDER SAME ROOF II

[craig54]

need and opinion, i wrote a letter explaining why i was so angry friday afternoon. basically, because she left on her trip , knowing the baby would be born the next day. i was very disappointed and hurt. do i give it to her. the thing about the letter is it has no facial expressions or tone of voice. plus i can communicate better at times in words. do i give it to her?

[craig54]

need and opinion, i wrote a letter explaining why i was so angry friday afternoon. basically, because she left on her trip , knowing the baby would be born the next day. i was very disappointed and hurt. do i give it to her. the thing about the letter is it has no facial expressions or tone of voice. plus i can communicate better at times in words. do i give it to her?

[craig54]

^BMP^

[craig54]

I'LL ANSWER MY OWN QUESTION, NO I WILL NOT GIVE HER THE LETTER. I MIGHT TALK TO HER BRIEFLY. BUT THATS IT.

[mako]

I agree Craig. I think letters are often a bad idea, especially explanation ones. It's all too likely that she'll take it in a negative way, plus she already probably knows why you felt this way. Plus if she doesn't respond, you'll keep wondering what she thought, and may turn it into a pursuit.

My C told me to write all the letters I want, but don't send them. I have a drawer with several. It helped to articulate my thoughts and feelings, much like journaling here, but my W doesn't want to hear this stuff right now so I leave them be.

[craig54]

MAKO, THANKS FOR IMPUT. I JUST HATE SEEING W SO MAD AT ME. BUT I DON'T BELIEVE SHE KNOWS WHY I WAS SO ANGRY. SHE IS TOO REMOVED EMOTIONALLY. I DON'T THINK IT EVEN CROSSED HER MIND TO STAY IN TOWN FOR THE BIRTH.

[Pudmuddle]

Hi craig,

Good advice to yourself on not sending the letter. She is still to absorbed in her own self to see the difference. Let her continue to dwell in her own world, with her own thoughts. You can see this ugly person she is and you really don't want to be around that. So let her think on it, and realize eventually(however slow that trip is) that she needs to be responsible for her actions and it is not you.

Hang in there again!

[Wooglint]

Sorry it took so long Craig, but you came to the best answer

[craig54]

pud, this weekend was uncomfortable as i have ever been around w.she is po'd at me big time. my question for you is , should i have stood my ground and let her know it was not a great idea to leave town for the second weekend in a row. i do have my limits, i want to give her space. but she is so clueless , she cannot even see that going out of town with a friend was questionable. she can crap all over me all she wants.but i need to stand up for the kids. am i wrong. should i just let her go despite my feelings. plus the money issue. she also has not even attempted to finish the d papers since she got back from thanksgiving trip. i will be happy about that. i know she is soooo unhappy. i wish i had a bigger house to getaway from her more. sorry about rambling.

[Pudmuddle]

I don't know if I have the best answer for your situation, but there are points in time when you have to stand up for your beliefs and values. DB doesn't mean letting someone walk all over you...why would they want to be with that kind of person? that's not attractive, to do whatever they want. Perhaps you could come up with a constructive way of approaching her about the 2nd going away, point your thoughts there instead of continuing to be angry with her...that won't change, but YOU can change the way you approach it. Rehearse it in your head, as to what she MIGHT say and then how you could understanding. Like "I understand you need to get away with friends and be good to yourself but..." then if she says "why do you care what I do" rehearse what you might say in a positive way back...

See where I'm going? It won't help to continue to be angry with her choices, you can't control her right now, but you can choose more positive ways to react.

I hope this helps your sitch, if not maybe it will guide you in the right direction.

Pud