Last thread jammed like a dust-filled M16! Well, I was going to write W. a Birthday Card. Even found one here that was not to "The Love of My Life". Then I thought about it. When I read Gary Chapman's "5Love Languages" and began to try to do find tat "Love Language", her response was "I know what you're trying to do, and I just find it annoying". This was after I had gotten her presents for every occasion for the previous 2 years, without so much as Thanks. (My resentment started to build as well about then) That preceded the dressing in the closet, locking the door when she showered and stacking pillows 40 feet high between us in bed, which lasted for about 1 year and a half, before anger stage II and II set in.
Sending this card might just do the same thing---annoy her. It's ridiculous that we have to think about all these routine things! Let me know on that one.
Another think I've thought about lately. If I was still at home, we would be separated, and I would be living alone. She would expect me to come to my old house, cut down a tree with the kids, and put up the tree in a house in which I no longer live. I would be responsible for taking 20 years of memories out of an ornament box, and hanging them on the tree…from Ballerina Barbie, to Skating Barney to Firetrucks to Popsicle stick deer that my daughters made 12 years ago, to “Our First Christmas Together” which my late mom gave to us the first year we were married. Each ornament rips more of my heart out, because I did this last year.
I know it’s “for the kids”, but if a couple gets divorced, when do you send the message to your former spouse: “ I’m not doing this. It’s over. We’re not a family. Don’t try to pretend we are. Don’t make me feel guilty because I won’t put up a tree in my old house. This is what YOU wanted. I’ll have my own holiday with the kids. If this is for the kids, why did you want a divorce?”
I’ve got to say, I was almost in tears with each ornament, and she either didn’t care, was not effected by our split, is so out of it, or is just plain mean or sick.
She did this to me over Halloween. Sent pictures of my son carving a pumpkin saying “They really missed you when they did it” WTF?
Sorry, but it’s almost Christmas, I’m in Iraq, and I can still feel the sting of putting up the tree from last year, and yes, I’m angry, and yes, I’m venting!!
