Perhaps I am over-analyzing the hair thing. But, after having a meeting to discuss D papers and walking out I said your hair looks great how did you do it? She asked why? I said because I might want to do it for 5D. She said she would show me in a minute and then ran hand through hair. Just seems like after all of the paper talk, she just absolutely did not need to do this. She could've just said ask so and so...or look it up...or whatever. She also didn't need to extent the visit in parking lot talking about next day she had 5D. Of course, it gave me a chance to validate her feelings of missing 5D.
One thing that helped me was to tell her, in that "opening statement", I understand this is what you want. I want you to know I forgive you for everything that has happened and will happen. I really thank you, I really thank you for opening my eyes to my past and my future." She uses this opening eyes to validate her decision. She really thinks I am happier without her. She even said some things like, "see you are right, we can't even communicate, look at you now." Really aggrevating, I can't say it is because of my poor choices and never because of my feelings for her.
Another interesting thing, she has a line in papers regarding child custody. She has unacceptable terms but then has a line, any other times agreed upon. She has this as her "safety net" in case I become the man 'lost in his cave'(my description) again. She has said this several times, but only recently did it make me wonder if she was thought I was not this man anymore, would she reconsider. Almost like she sees I am not, but can't get over the pain and is just not convinced it is permanent.
We are living separately and she does not call for me. Thus, the only thing I can do is leave her alone because I know if I initiate any contact I imagine this is unwanted pursuit. So, I have very little interaction. Maybe this will change soon.
