Why can't I do this....

[houndfan]

Fishman.....

Well, another weekend of part-time husband. I tried to move back in but that was not in the cards, currently I value my physical health more than anything.

Anyway, I will try to journal my weekend and await your responses.

Friday, I came home from work and W was going to a little ladies night christmas thing. I was invited to play board games with some of the neighbors, I told W about it if she wanted to come by after the party she could. She sounded "interested" as game playing has been a very successful activity for us of the years.

Well, when I was home for a few minutes to pick up the kids, I had to pull a number from the phone and found OM's number on it. I know that this should nto bother me and what's the difference if he is calling on her cell vs the home phone. However, for some reason it torqued me off. Well, I went with kids to play games and had a great time. It was really fun to be with some other adults, although I did catch a few 5th wheel jokes but it was all good.

Well W called to let me know she was coming home and I told her that the boys and I were already leaving to get them to bed for their big day at Disney Saturday. She really sounded sad that she was going to miss the end of game night. Oh Well!

When I got home she could tell I was irritated and I told her that this guy calling my house was a huge slap in the face. I am not sure why this is any different but I was just not happy about it. I told her that while I do not approve of the relationship with OM, I am fine with her wanting to have these conversations but he is not to call my house again!

Well, that actually went over pretty good. BUT - she told me that she had a convo with her friend on the way home from the party and her friend had told her that she needs to be consistent with her behavior and stop leading me on. So W told me that I could not stay that night and that we needed to behave differently. So I went back to where I am staying.

Got up early to pick up family for the Disney event. When I got there no one was up. W came out of the bedroom and said that her alarm did not go off. I said I had the same problem, next thing I know she flys into a rage and slams the door. I go in and ask what was wrong, and she is all pissy thinking that I had said "That's not my problem". Maybe I would have said something like that in the past but not now. Anyway, go kids up and began 13 hour trip to Disney.

The day was great, there were a few moments that were not comfortable with W. But all in all we had fun. At one point in the evening she and I walked over to the castle to see the lights and I felt a rush of love in my heart that I had missed for a long time, seeing her backlit by the castle and the lights just took me over.

Well, we finished off our day and went home with boys. Got back to the house and she said I should stay because it was so late. So I climbed into bed and cuddled. I had to get up early Sunday for a business trip to Atl. Well, got up said good byes etc. Got to airport when after some convo with my boss realized the trip was cancelled but I did not get the message th eprevious day.

Went home with breakfast and got back into bed. Well, she and I spent the next few hours reading the paper and basically being normal. There was even some sex.... damn I wish I could say no to her! But it was nice. Again after we were done she told me that we have to stop doing this.

We spent the day together cleaning the house, laundry etc. I later went to the store to get some stuff for dinner and we made a great dinner together. Another weekend with nary a fight or ill word between us. I could sense that she was trying to get a little closer as there was some kissing and hand holding this weekend too. But there were also some of the same convos: can't be with you, you have hurt me, this change will nto last forever. Yada Yada.

Well, last night I feel asleep while watching Project Runway. When she finally woke me she told me that I should go back to where I am staying. She said that she feel guilty since I pay for the house but there is no way we can have a relationship and that I need to go back to T's house.

I got up and left without incident.

This morning I had to be in court early so I left where I am staying at 7:00. She called like clock work at 7:40 asking if I could take S7 to school. Told her I couldn't she asked if I could still mail some packages for her. I explained that I did not take them today and she started with some of the grief. But I explained that I could do it tomorrow. She seemed fine with it. She asked me to call her after court.

Called her a bit ago and she asked again if I could take her packages for her. I said that I am not sure if I will see her before tomorrow. But if I do I will.

She said ok and that she is going to miss me today and asked if I would call her later.

The saga of the part-time husband continues. BUT ---> tomorrow in men's group we start the series that I have been waiting for for 7 weeks. Healing the love wounds.

So I am not sure if I should call her or not. But, I feel really good today no panic feelings and not feeling dreadful.