In California it doesn't actually matter whether I sign or not. He wanted me to sign so we didn't have to go to court and it would be finalized in 4 months. Since I'm refusing to sign, he has to pay court costs, go to court, and then from the date of judgment it takes 6 months and 1 day to finalize. It'll just "drag things out" and cost him more money (that he doesn't have since he's spent it all on her). Of course, that's a whole other issue because a lot of the money he spent was community property, which means half mine. Which means he'll end up owning me a couple thousand dollars if I push the money issue in court.
I like the analogy of a first date or a new friend. Although the new friend makes more sense. Lol. I haven't been on a first date in almost 7 years.
I looked at more of the forums. I found some inspiring posts. I'm definitely feeling more positive tonight. Part of it is just the stress of finals I'm sure. My last one is Monday night, so life will be a lot better after that. :-)
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Keep your eye on the ball with law school. Don't let that drop! You'll regret that long after this whole thing takes whatever course it will. He's got to be out of his mind to give up a wife who is intellectually able to complete law school! How could a husband be any more proud of a wife than for doing something this hard!? I agreee with the "dragging thinks out" If he wants out, let him work for it. Also, a lot of guys with "PTSD" who go home and throw the whole thing away, in my opinion, had some issues before they got here. This only exacerbated it. He's at the beginning of a long tunnel here, and an OW will not give him the serenity he's looking for. Most of the success stories I've seen on this board over the year I've been here, the LBS has moved on, has convinced themselves its over, and moved on. If the WAS comes back, so much the better, but if they don't, you''re better prepared to deal with it. Hang in there.
I agree with FLTC. Keep at it with school...he must be out of his mind. I also agree that the guys with PTSD probably had issues before they ever even got to Iraq. He needs to work on those issues, so let him do that while you keep at it in school and better yourself. Like FLTC said if he comes back, great...if not then you put yourself in a better position.
Well, finals are over. It's so hard to know how I did since it's mostly essays, but I'm not too worried. I'm looking forward to being on break and just working part time.
I would say H has always taken things too personally and been prone to depression. Looking back with my current perspective, I think he has always been good at holding grudges as well. H didn't speak to his father for years, and I'm not even sure why other than the fact that his father is a lying, cheating a$$ and his stepdad is awesome. Another example, this summer we went to Calistoga for an early anniversary trip and H's paternal grandmother used to live in the area. He hadn't talked to her in so long he didn't know if she was even alive. It took me carefully NOT pressuring him before, at the last possible minute before we drove home, he wanted to show me her place. We drove over, drove by, looked around, and he wouldn't even stop and knock on the door, just said it didn't look like she lived there anymore.
Ironically, I would say me going back to school has been one of the bigger issues with him. He always seemed supportive, sent me cards, acted excited about my grades and internships, cooked for me and helped more around the house when I had a paper due or finals, and then a switch flipped back around February/March. He was obviously unhappy but he blamed it on his classes and work when I asked what was wrong.
Over the summer though, after I found out about OW and really started prying more, he said a lot of things that I don't quite know how much to believe. H told me he didn't like my school friends and that school and my friends and work and everything else were always more important to me. He also said I humiliate/degrade him in front of my friends and that the only reason I drag him to school functions and stuff with my friends is so I can amuse them. I was a little surprised to hear about my secret motivations since I only wanted to include him.
I suspect a lot of this stems from his competitiveness. H said when we first started dating that I was a good influence on him because he was working harder on his bachelor's and getting better grades since I was much more studious. Ironically, part of the reason he probably reenlisted was because I am also in the military. Except H hasn't finished his bachelor's yet and I'm nearly finished with grad school. Plus I did go through ROTC and commission and he's only an E-4 and dropped out of OCS. I guess he feels like I've left him behind in a lot of ways. Problem is, I'm not gonna be a failure just because he can't keep up right now.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Glad to hear your finals are over and you can have a break. I know school must be tough while going through this too.
A lot of the things you say about your H just remind me so much of mine. Taking things personally, being prone to depression, competitive, me being a good influence on him...I could go on.
You shouldn't sacrifice anything you want to do to better yourself for him, especially right now. If you did you would only resent him later even if things work out. Keep working on yourself. If he has a problem with that (which I suspect he may feel inferior in a way as does my H) then it is his and not yours. Keep doing what you are doing. You sound great.
Is there anything new going on? Have you talked to him at all?
Actually talked to him today about the cell phone bill for last month. The bill needs to be paid up to date before they'll cancel his phone and I can get him off the family plan and he ran up an extra $75 in charges texting OW. He ignored my phone call from Sunday, sent me an e-mail finally today, I called him and left him another voicemail, he finally realized I wasn't going to play the impersonal e-mail tag game and called me back. He said he'll have a check for me whenever I want to pick it up. He also said he'd sort through the Christmas stuff so I can get my things to decorate.
It's something I suppose. In so many ways it feels so much less than what we had even two months ago when we were at least friendly and talking a couple times a week. I really don't understand why things keep degrading. I keep figuring other than filing things can't actually get worse, and yet he keeps surprising me. And about 80% of the time I'm not even sure why, even in hindsight.
Tonight was fun. Got together with some of my friends from school, everyone brought food and booze and we celebrated the end of the semester. The food was good and the company was great. Plus there was a Doctor Who marathon on Sci-Fi earlier and today was my day off from work. So I can't complain too much.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Hooahh! Good job with school. Looking at your previous posts, it may not be your husband's competitiveness as much as his insecurity and feelings of inadequacy, which by the way, have nothing to do with you. Let's face it. You're an O2, O3? He's an E4. You got a ROTC Commission. He dropped out of OCS. You're in law school and doing well. He has not finished his Bachelors. He may be more embarrassed in front of your freinds than anything else. None of which by the way, is about you. It's about his inadequacy. That's an "individual Soldier skill." Maybe the OW makes him feel more in control, more "adequate", whatever than means. Stay the course Michelle. Have you been here in Iraq yet?
