Stories don't always end

[BeingMe]

Lovely thought, Wii! I remember when I was in the middle of my sitch, I used to pray in the car every morning before going in to work. I would ask for strength to get through the day, and I always felt the return message was 'patience, have patience'. Praying helped me a lot, and I think I took it for granted, and was more eager for it at the height of my stress, because I don't do it as often anymore. I feel I am going through a time of questioning my faith (not so much in God, but in what my core beliefs are, and what the nature of God is), and just looking at the world and how we interact with it, and the messages we allow ourselves to believe about ourselves, is all mixed up in my head right now. Not sure if I'm making any sense here.

I found this prayer somewhere which I like to quote:
"Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it."

As for my M ... it has been quite tough having my H travel. This is the job he wanted and yet he is still not happy. He always seems so frustrated, and miserable, sometimes picking a fight with me for no reason. This morning he was a little upset with our S20 who had not cleared the driveway around his car before driving over it, as he had requested him to do. After calling S20, he comes into our room where I was changing after church, and asks me what's my problem, and why I "have such a long face"? WTF!!!! I just looked at him and told him not to pick a fight with me just because he's miserable, and that I didn't take too kindly to being told I have a long face. I was in thought, in my own little world, and not thinking about anything negative, so this came out of left field for me. I was rather cross after that, but then decided I wasn't going to let him make me as miserable as he seems to be.

So, he is snowed in, and will be working from home this week, and I will have him underfoot. He just better not be picking anymore fights with me, 'cause if he does, he'll be arguing with himself. There are times, I kinda like being by myself during the week, and times when I wish I had carried through with a D, and gone our separate ways. I feel this because I don't think he learned anything from our sitch. I don't think he feels he needs to change ... just has to say sorry, and everything is just peachy fine, but it doesn't work that way. Oh! But, I had to make great changes for him! I don't know why I bothered, really.

Oh well! Just needed to get that off my chest!