Last night was sort of interesting...I made dinner for the family and she did xmas decorations. She drilled a bottle of wine by 8pm. Then starting diggin in one of our big storage closets and decided to clean that out. I thought that was rather strange. If she's leaving in Jan, why start cleaning closets? Then, she headed over to our D'd neighbors house. This woman is a bad example and wish she had nothing to do with her. She bailed on her husband because he was never around. Now she's never around and her kids spend all their time with a nanny. She's either away for work or out with her new boyfriend. In fact, just before the bomb, my W just couldnt stop talking about her to me and our friends about what a bad person she was. Now they are inseperable. I think this woman is making my W feel that it's o.k. to D. When she D'd, she moved in right behind us. I think she has certain motives here.
She was over there quite awhile and my S was with her. At 10:45pm, I texted her to send my S home so he could go to bed. He doesnt sleep in ever and had a Bball game today. No response and they came home around 11:30. She wouldnt talk to me..so I had to read her mind that she was pissed at me about something. Turns out she took the text as an insinuation that she was a bad parent and unable to make good decisions for her kids. It then got to the point where she thinks I'm now 'competing' with her on the kids, by doing things with them I hadnt done much of before. Such as going to movies, dinners, etc. I also bought a homemade ginger bread house for my daughter and me to put together...well my W and her did that while I was out on Sat. Nice. I dont really feel like I'm trying to compete, just doing stuff with my kids other than sit around the house. She said she would have done something with kids on Friday night, but I took them to the movies. She came home from overseas one day early and never told us she was coming. She was in the house when I got home on Friday. So, we had plans to go to a movie. I invited her but she said she was too tired. Well she was awake when we got home from movie.
She said she wants to do things with the kids too, but feels like I'm not letting her. This is totally not true. I asked for an example and she couldnt give me one. I said youre welcome to do anything you'd like, but youre never here. She has been out of town on work 2 of the last 4 weeks and when she has been here, she's chosen to socialize with her friends. She said she did something all day with D8 on Sat and was with S11 Sat night. But in my opinion, neither counts as quality time. D8 just rode around in car with her and did shopping, and S11 played in the snow all last night while W drank wine with witch. I didnt bring this up with W though. I guess this is a positive that she's noticed some changes with me and the kids. But I have had the kids for so much the past few months, I have really gotten much closer, especially to my daughter. It's sad to me because she has changed. Where it was once a priority to be with her kids a lot, it seems it's now a burden.
So, I did defend myself a bit on the insinuation that I thought she was a poor mother. I told her I agreed with her and understand how she could come up with this opinion. I told her first of all I was only trying to get my son in bed because he wont sleep in and cant make up any sleep during the week because school starts so early. And..if I thought you were a bad mother to my kids, I certainly wouldnt have anymore interest in you. My son got up at 7:30, she slept in til 10. I went in at ten to see if she was 'ok'...she says 'yes, why'? I said, my god its 10am. She doesnt usually sleep that late either.
I guess what bothers me most is she has developed a big temper towards me. She is now able to blow something like this up so it makes her very mad at me. I feel she's looking for anything to either spark a fight or justify how she feels about me. Always looking for every negative. The other problem is when she's mad, she now doesnt say anything. As if I have to pull it out of her or read her mind. She gets so angry at me know at the littlest things. She never even used to have a temper. She told me she wanted things to be the same as they always were between her and the kids. I said 'ok', and I'd like for you to be the same as you always were, no temper.
I keep reading about other situations on this board where the couples are still getting hugs, kisses, and even having sex. My W wont touch me and will seldom look me in the eye. Yet, we get along well around the house and kids. None of this makes any sense to me. I dont think I've deserved any of this.
Last night when we were talking about her 'insecurities' about the kids, I asked if I am being good to the kids. She said, 'yes, you are tremendous with the kids, you are a great father'. She feels I'm being different to the kids and acting different and somehow competing with her for their attention. She's basically saying I have changed a lot in this area and it's obviously making her jealous. All I said was I'm trying to be a better person to our kids and to you. So, I asked am I being good to you? 'You are now'. Now? 'yes, you didnt used to' (this offended me) My answer was 'I didnt know how, now I do'....Is that a baby step? I just wonder if I'm a great father and really good to her now, what's the f'ing problem? I wish she'd give 'now' a chance. I love my W so much its killing me that she's totally demonizing me. Today at my sons Bball game, she didnt even sit with me in the stands. Ouch. She's also planning a ski trip with that witch and her kids. I'm not invited. It's for 4 days right before Xmas. However, I did schedule a trip with my kids after Xmas. So we will both be away from each other pretty much all of the holidays except Xmas Eve and Xmas. I hate all this. I'm thinking that if she doesnt come up with any plans while were away after xmas, I may print up a ticket and give it to her for xmas and she if she'll come with us. Probably a crazy idea, but how long can we really get along with 'no interest' out of her?
