I"m in agony here...

[rysmom]

I read on rejoiceministries.com that alot of miracles happen around the holidays for marriage reconciliation. It's a great website, it has given me so much hope for my marriage. I'll continue to pray for everyone.

[sgctxok]

rys...i posted to you on DO A 180 WORKSHOP

bomb...sorry to hijack.

[Corri]

Lil:

I'm with you on this one, girl. Nude photos? And isn't interesting how no one is listening...

Bomb... I think your new tactics are great, and I'm glad they've given you hope, a direction, a purpose. Trust is a lovely thing. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with verifying.

[blackfoot]

Last week, on her day off, she asked me if I wanted to photograph her nude.

That's right. Nude.

I'm an amateur photographer, and I've shot nudes before, but never my wife.

Bomber, when I read this, I immediately thought the same thing as Lil. She knows you way to well to not know this isnt killing you.
Why does she want to get back at you like this?
You really need to think, because somewhere along the way, I think you really hurt her, and probably then tried to talk her out of feeling bad about whatever it was.

Is there any chance you shooting nudes of OW has her feeling hurt or disrespected or rejected? have you ever asked her if you could do nudes of her?
Maybe she figures you like that or are into that so much, she may as well join in and post herself at your favorite sites.
do you have a porn addiction?

[saffie]

Corri,

I don't think it is a case of no-one is listening.

Bombadier has already said that he truly doesn't believe his W is having an A. If she was why not get the OM to take the nude photo's rather than her H. In addition, her sister had a really bad time and went the same way with the menopause.

Are you advocating snooping Corri?

To me, the stripping off and wanting her photo taken nude by her H, implies that she wants her H to view her still as beautiful and as a desirable object. Perhaps she hoped it would help turn herself on and lead to other things. From Bombadiers description of what happened it sounds more to me like that didn't work for her and she got upset about that.

I know many of us on here have had our S's go off and have A's but that isn't the case for all. My H had an A so I am very sensitive about that issue but Bombadier is the one who knows his wife best - not us.

Saffie

[RealJourney]

I haven't commented here because I myself am still working through the aftermath of my H's A, and I'm seeing things through that lens and can't be objective. I didn't get the affair vibe...I got more the " validation " vibe, like her actions were desperately screaming for attention/objectification. I think she is very hurt underneath, as if B50 had an affair.

Maybe those nudes you did, whenever they were, have stayed with her, only to really hit during a period of vulnerability, like the menopausal state.

[sat567]

Hmmm. I cast my vote for the "photos are for someone else" group. Sorry, bomber. You need to do some snooping, or pay someone else to do it.

Hairdog

[bombardier50]

OK, so, time for a little update. I thought Saffie was probably on the money, so yesterday, despite the heartache, I sat down at the computer and created three really lovely photos of her...a little photoshop work here and there, but nothing major or obvious. I just kind of let her natural beauty shine through. Keep in mind that these are very tasteful, artful nudes. No genitalia, etc. I could show these to my mom without fear. I had just finished working on them when she came home from work. She saw them and said "Oh, those are beautiful, thank you!" She asked me to email them to some of our very close friends. So I did. Our friends almost immediately emailed us back and they all just gushed over how beautiful she looked (perfect!). She just sat there at the computer and glowed like a light bulb.

Of course, now I have another problem. A couple of the wives want me to shoot them nude now. What a can of worms...

So, honestly, my gut tells me that Saffie is on the money. I think she's been broadsided by the whole aging/menopause thing and she's looking for validation.

I should point out that the nudes I shot before were years ago in an art class. Again, they were very artsy, and she really liked them. I kinda doubt that she's harboring any ill feelings from that.

Blackfoot, no porn addiction. I haven't looked at porn in years. I didn't have too...my wife was extraordinary in the sack. And I've never had an affair. Again...she was everything I needed.

Corri, I hear you. There are so many hurt people on this board whose spouse's have had affairs, I think it's natural to assume that it's the case here. I don't think so. But I am really worried about one thing: I'm afraid as I stand here on the sidelines waiting for her to work through her issues, she'll have an affair to see if it ignites the feelings she doesn't have for me right now. That scares me more than anything. I'm leaving tomorrow for a week-long business trip and that's going to be in the back of my mind the whole time.

Fear and loneliness...my constant companions. Too bad I'm not a musician...I'd have some great song material right now.

[saffie]

Bombardier,

I am more worried that you will find temptation rather than her. Each woman is different but I think for a lot of women there can be a bit of 'if you don't use it you lose it' when it comes to one's libido. I know that I am an all or nothing sort of lady. Also, although I have not quite reached the menopause stage yet I have read that for some women evrything can tighten up down there and make intercourse quite uncomfortable - that gets worse the longer it is left - she may be quite apprehensive as to what ML is going to be like for her. She may think if she doesn't appear to get aroused, (ie her body doesn't produce the appropriate lubrication etc) you will think she is not interested.

Take some of those photo's with you while you travel to remind yourself of the hottie you have at home.

Have you tried writing to her telling her how beautiful she is and how much you love her. That for you no-one holds a candle to her. Why not explain to her how hard you find not being intimate with her but that you are willing to wait until she is ready and that she is the only woman you want to photograph like that and you hope to take many more photos of her like that for years to come. It sounds to me like she needs a big confidence boost to make her feel all woman and desirable - and you are just the guy to do that.

Saffie

[saffie]

Bombardier,

I also want to add that I ALWAYS loved my H even when I went through a LD stage and I can say categorically IT NEVER occurred to me to try sleeping with another guy to see if that was the problem, and my H did work away from home for weeks at a time sometimes.

Saffie