Still stuck in Limbo Land

[MariS]

Mary,

Thank you for being such a support. You are right, I am getting tired. I just keep thinking today is better than where it was a year ago, I am in the right, so DETACH and let him hang himself.

Love your idea of our invention for ladies....My GFs have always been shocked at what I know and what things are. I'm sorta like that one on Sex in the City who is sexually promiscuous, but I'm not at all. Just knowledgable on the toys and no one would ever guess it, or about my piercings. :-)

Yes, I do need a MAN in my life and child's. One that can stand up and take control, rather than be a wuss. BTW, can't change locks, MIL & I talked about it....WAH-MLCer can pick locks, plus he would just break in, causing more damage for me to deal with.

What WAH-MLCer still doesn't realize that when he thinks he let friend/OW in, that it was real, when it fact it wasn't. It was due to the situation and the illusion from the MLC.

I promise, I will make it to the Austin area sometime and we can catch up. WAH-MLCer owes me B-Day gift from over a year ago and I'm thinking about "cashing it in" when the time is right.

JOURNALING NOW...

Thursday, made it home from work and WAH-MLCer was in a mood. Child was crying and I told child I had not signed up for a whinning child...WAH-MLCer said he hadn't signed up to be married to a B$%ch. My reply, I hadn't signed up to be married to a dead beat husband who lived off his family's money.

:-0

Boy did THAT feel so good to finally say out loud.

A few moments later, WAH-MLCer asked who xyz was and if child had been spending time with "his sibling." I replied, not to my knowledge. He kept repeating the question and I kept replying the same....When my MIL is watching child for me, because WAH-MLCer is not around, I can not control if child sees other relative.

WAH-MLCer then said fine, he would let our child be around whom ever he choose then. I was holding child and said to child; friend/OW (saying her name) is a B#$ch. WAH-MLCer said she was at least smart. My reply:

I was just as smart and had he told this friend/OW about his first A, how he treatment me when I was pregnant, how he treated child and I when child was born and about all of his drinking?

Boy did that ALSO feel good to say out loud too...

WAH-MLCer didn't say a word. He left shortly to go watch the football game that was on on, somewhere. Finally, I felt good that if he never game back, so be it.

After taking care of child and pets, I settled down after a bath to watch a little tv at 10pm. WAH-MLCer was home about 11pm and made the snide comment that he was surprised I was still up and proceed to bed.

I joined an hour later, he had taken an ambien, again, and was snoring loudly.

Not sure what or why, but at least when we had sex this time, I began to feel a small connection between us, even though there was still no kissing.

Friday was a somewhat better day and no more arguements until today. We took child to get an X-Mas tree Friday and brought take out home. Saturday, we went as a family to a local parade and had lunch as a family, prior to WAH-MLCer going to run errands late Saturday afternoon. Saturday morning was an issue, but we worked through it.

WAH-MLCer keeps complaining about being "stuck" in town, how bored he is and there is nothing to do. It was a HUGE inconvience to attend a school open house this afternoon for child, but at least he made it. Rather than standing me up like the last one.

He kept saying it was a Mom job to go to these things and he already knew the school since he grew up in this town. My reply was we are doing this as a family and there will be other Dad's there. He replied the wussy ones.

Some how the conversation turned to jobs and how I need to find a REAL job. My reply, "we" could both look for real jobs together.
Ugh...what a jerk.

He is back at the bar again, with who knows whom. The party that is tonight, he had me rsvp at the last minute yesterday and now, we aren't going. Instead, we are supposedly decorating the tree with child tonight. In part, I believe he is trying to punish me for not really wanting to "service" him an hour later, after we already had fun together the first time this morning.

He keeps saying he shouldn't have to give instructions, it should just flow, and if I don't like the feel, taste, smell or texture of something, "I'll get over it." What an A@@.

Thankfully I have a meeting with the preacher this week...maybe it might help me with some of my personal concerns, etc.

Still praying daily and could use a hug and PMA.

I still keep thinking that this MLC of his began about the spring/summer of 2003 and keep hoping it will end soon.

<sigh>

At least we are having more family moments and time than a year ago. I just wish he and I could have sometime for us. I couldn't tell you the last time he and I went out to dinner, HH, or anything alone w/out child. It's as if he is afraid.

Thoughts?