Ouch! Thought I was so much stronger!

[saffie]

I just replied

Saffie

[Hurtin4certain]

Hello all,

So W just texted me and said she would be in my town to pick up D. She did this on Friday when she dropped her off as well. This is very uncharateristic of her.

W lives 60 miles away so it has me really thinking why she is hanging around my town. Im starting to think she might have a fling going on here (totally my imagination, but due to recent events, it wouldnt surprise me) too.

Also... I get really anxious when I know Im going to see her... is that normal? Maybe Im scared of the pain from seeing her?

[LL44]

I get really anxious when I know Im going to see her... is that normal?

I sure hope so, because that happens to me too. And I live with H!! Hope the switch goes well. That is odd she is 'in your area' so much....

[Hurtin4certain]

Thanks lwb..

My mind always goes crazy when things are out of the norm. Sometimes I wonder if W is paying with my head or if she doesnt give a damn about what I think.

[LL44]

I wish I knew, hurtin', I wish I knew!

[Hurtin4certain]

Quick question... I seem to be the one of the few that really struggles with detachment. Is that just because this is so new for me? DO I just need time under my belt and I'll start to be as strong as some of you are?

Its like my stomach is in constant knots all day long. Not terrible but I can feel the stress wherever I go and whatever I do.

[ford]

heyya hurting.

detaching takes time.

It's like learning to fly a plane.

at first, you're terrified, youre pucker city, stomach in knots.

but every day, it gets better, you might not notice it at first. you'll have some near misses with wire towers, where you think you blew it, just keep GAL and working on you.

there is no set time limit, it takes longer for some than others, but if you stay the course, one day it'll hit you, and you'll feel "Normal" again.

lol, that make any sense?

[Hurtin4certain]

Thanks Ford..I get it.

So lately W has been haning out with lots of friends when in the past (when we were dating a few months ago) she preferred to stay home.

Is she just living some fantasy party lifestyle because she is depressed? Perhaps she is filling the void by not having OM around as he is in Vegas..

Part of me is scared of letting go because if she does come back around in time, I wont want her and the vicious cycle will continue.

I know I sound desperate, I cant deny I feel that way. :-(

[ford]

I understand

[Hurtin4certain]

Its hard for me to GAL because I have D every weekend. I cant go with friends etc becuase I have D. In addition, I feel guilty leaving D with her grandparents so I can do stuff with friends because I dont get to see her very often.

I see my W out living it up with friends (she's very outgoing, Im more of an introvert) and it makes me feel worthless.

I know I need to "man up" but my self esteem is so shot right now. I think thats why I got with girls after W first left me, I needed to feel wanted and attractive. I dont want to go down that path again and ruin any chance of reconciliation with W though.