I can't say enough about that book. It has been hard to read, though. Very emotional. To get some of it out, I just spoke into the IC's voicemail (a suggestion that she had). I was also able to take an insanely long nap today after some Klonopin--it makes me feel like I am "rebooting" my head when it gets stuck. Not an option that I have everyday, but today it was available, so I took advantage of that.
There is still so much pain, and yes, it is much more intense when I couple it with any focus on H/the R, which I am powerless over. The holiday season is making it hard, as there are so many of my memories tied into it. I don't put the tv on with all of the commercialism. Trying to Let Go...it is a process and doesn't happen all at once, and I'm not always in that place, but it is getting better.
I can't believe that I have been at this for well over a year now, and can still be hurting so much. I am glad that I feel better right now, but I know that I have to feel the pain sometimes, too. The pain of what is. The pain of how I grew up. The pain of how I ended up here. The reality of it all.
I'm looking forward to my kids coming home--just 2 hours. I have to get something to eat, then plan to cuddle with them for a bit, maybe play a silly boardgame. I miss them when they aren't home.
