You might not be ready for it, but you can say all those things to your H if you need to. What fears are holding you back from creating change in some way? I was thinking last night about cheeseless tunnels, and the many that I personally continue to go down. Sitting by passively accepting your H's lifestyle seems to be a cheeseless tunnel for you. Is it? Measuring progress, you do seem to be getting stronger emotionally and growing. So, some of what you're doing is definately working for you. What isn't working?
From my sitch only - being passive doesn't work to create positive change. I end up stewing and waiting. J ends up thinking I'm at least half OK with what's going on. The challenge has become to own my feelings and needs and express them. Pursuing pushes them away.. stating that they are disapponting us is not the same as pursuing. I used to do the crying and begging for him to change. Now I'm better at stating my needs and feelings as a fact and waiting for him to step up - or not (which happens often). Much like what you said in your first sentence. "If/when you're ready to have a M and family again, let me know" My statement is often more like "I'm tired of carrying the load and need a partner in this. I can't do it all, so I'm going to step back and focus on me and the kids. If/when you want to be an active part of the partnership, let me know." If you want a M, I'll meet you more than halfway, but I can't do it all myself. KWIM?
I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. I've been there and know how hurt you must be. (((SUE))). Wish things turn around for you and soon.
