thanx john seems the more distant i am to her the more friendly she is to me...maybe she just likes to be treated badly ....she certainly deserves it lol....maybe she just doesnt want to be with me anymore & thats just the way it is........the more distant I am the less guilt she has...she works & me & the kids never see any $....she is ALLWAYS in new clothes...but she cries pormouth & i buy her gas & butts....im a fool...she got about 7grad in retro checks from her job....but has no $ for christmas shopping...I think the only reason she wanted to go with me is so I can pay.....cant wait till all this is overwith
why im here http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1247860&page=1#Post1247860 me 47 w 44 m 20 s 18 s 14 s 8 bomb dropped 10/8/07
i just remembered she gave me her voicemail password long time ago so i called & guess what?...3 messages...from 2 diferent guys
one from this am when she took her morning "prayer & medatation ride" said I thought you were comming at 8 because I cant get out later today...oh here you are.....
then 2 more messages cause she is out shopping for a dress to go to her xmas party (she is staying overnight)..the messages where from a guy trying to meet up with her....im here & ill catch up to ya...over there type thing....
I want to confront her when she gets home & I CANT!!!!!!
my sister is going to follow her from work & bust her after her xmas party....dont want to mess that up...
what 2 do?...now im in trouble
why im here http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1247860&page=1#Post1247860 me 47 w 44 m 20 s 18 s 14 s 8 bomb dropped 10/8/07
just got home & WAW is very cold...maybe she knows I was in her voicemail...oh well....this is turning from a recovery to an ofensive.........she can hurt me bad..... GOD help me
why im here http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1247860&page=1#Post1247860 me 47 w 44 m 20 s 18 s 14 s 8 bomb dropped 10/8/07
well i have obviously been doing things that just aren’t good for me....I was so distraught that I wanted to quit & told my WAW so...lets just get it over with...split the assets & work out the kids...I need to get on with my life ..I said I want to keep the house & buy her out...she didn’t like that idea.... but said she would think about it....I told her that she hasn’t been honest with me (duh!)....she called me later & asked if i still wanted to go xmas shopping with her..I told her there is no reason we should be together anymore...she should shop alone....later in the day we spoke again & i broke down crying & she felt bad....I all but accused her of sleeping around & really hurt her feelings....she doesn’t know that I know about her seeing a married man...it hurts so bad...after I got home from work she said OK...I can buy her out & have custodial custody of the kids!!!...she says she will put those kids interests first & let them stay in there home...she got very sad after that....I had my last coaching session last night & when i booked it I just wanted out but after she said she will leave ...I felt different...I will be able to keep my home & children....no child support...& all I will loose is "my girl"...I love her dearly though....but she is sleeping with someone else’s husband....I got so much out of the coaching session with Jodi....I must get back on track ....I really do want her to come back...& i need to STOP SNOOPING...& let her be to find her way....concentrate on me & my boys....I told my sister NO FOLLOWING...leave her be...I asked my sister to read DR..& help me with my goals....the fact that the affair is with a unavailable guy...that he is already putting pressure on her...just spells short term infatuation.....if she moves out & away from me & the kids I think it will expedite the whole process...I’m so scared she will never come back but I know I’m going to be OK...I have a month to DB...nothing will happen till after the holidays....I must stay the course & BE PATIENT...give her space & treat her like a friend...not just in a friendly way...there’s a difference...if my friend is cold to me i just go somewhere else & let him get over himself & that’s what I should do with her....its not all about me...I have to learn not to react to all my feelings...its my only hope.....any comments would be a GOD send....thanx
why im here http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1247860&page=1#Post1247860 me 47 w 44 m 20 s 18 s 14 s 8 bomb dropped 10/8/07
Well I started cleaning out the attics & sorting all the clothes...put up our tree...dragged out all the ornaments...many many memories...was overwhelming....she went to work this am & wont be coming home tonight...she says she has her xmas party then staying with a friend....saw lingerie in her bag this am.....it hurts soooo bad.....I don’t want to love her anymore...even if she wanted to come back & she doesn’t...how could i ever trust her again?...everything she says is a lie...has been for a long while now....it seems so dark... on a positive note...I would normally be inconsolable on a day like today....but I remained positive this am...told her she was going to look amazing in the gown she bought for her party ... said to have fun...& went about my business.....Maybe I’m learning to detach a bit...its slow going though...detachment is hard but if I don’t let her go...I cant move on & will stay unlovable...I’m better than that... Thank you all
why im here http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1247860&page=1#Post1247860 me 47 w 44 m 20 s 18 s 14 s 8 bomb dropped 10/8/07
Well im not so strong & detached this morning....I cant hold it together...she is comming home somewhere around miday & we are going to trim the tree as a family....how am I going to get through it without making referance to her trist in the hotel? trimming the tree for the last time would be emotional enough. Im going to end up breaking down...if I cant thought stop.... I MUST DETACH...she will be so pushed away if after a night out being wined & dined by a married man & a night at a fancy hotel she has to spend the day with a sniveling crybaby....hmmmm ...what works has been to give her space....emotionally...of course she used it to start an affair but it wont last forever....he is only in it for the sex im sure...its been 5 weeks and these things usually run 3/6 months?...so instead of quivering with the thoughts of her with him....I need to be confident & strong....fun to be with...perform acts of service (her language of love)...& DETACH...maybe do some tree trimming & then leave early to go somewhere.........GOD bless
why im here http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1247860&page=1#Post1247860 me 47 w 44 m 20 s 18 s 14 s 8 bomb dropped 10/8/07
should I ask her to move out while she is seeing the OM?...this would not be what I want...i want her back ...but this would insulate me from seeing her affair & may expedite the whole procces.......help!
why im here http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1247860&page=1#Post1247860 me 47 w 44 m 20 s 18 s 14 s 8 bomb dropped 10/8/07
lky, I feel for you. You are much stronger than I would be were I in your situation. I am absolutely astonished by the LBS who know for sure that their WAS are having an affair. Hey, I may be one of them but I have not been snooping. I know you want to spend as much time as possible in and around your wife. You seem to have (at least on paper) all your ducks in a row, although I sense that it would not take much for you to loose it. My only suggestion is that if you feel yourself wavering, get out of there. Make up an excuse...perhaps one where your WAW will say wow, my husband is really moving on. Or maybe she won't even notice. Anyhow, you sticking around is probably a recipe for disaster. Trust me, I have been there and plan to do exactly what I have suggested for you this weekend. Keep your head up!
I’m confused...she got home in a sexy shirt (what i thought was the lingerie)& proceeded to tell me about the party & the night & morning... & how she was with her girlfriends...I just cant allow myself to believe her.....as much as I want to...she then starts to hug me & tell me how much she wished I was there & how she can be herself with only me....how her therapist let her know that reconciliation isn’t impossible....I told her I didn’t want to hug ...i need space cause I going to be hurt again...but I was sucked in anyway....& we had fun together trimming the tree...I miss her friendship...we haven’t been friends for years...we took a ride together & she said how she wished I would have made all these changes years ago before it was too late...I bought her a Christmas decoration & said it was for our last Christmas together.......I’m such an idiot...we watched a movie after & there was a scene where the guy says ilybinilwy...I said OH GOD under my breath & she herd me & immediately pulled away from me....I apologized...& she seemed to accept it...the sad part is I’m making mistakes & she will probably pull away big time tomorrow ....ill be hurting again.........this is difficult stuff...stay tuned
why im here http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1247860&page=1#Post1247860 me 47 w 44 m 20 s 18 s 14 s 8 bomb dropped 10/8/07
lky, Man this sounds so much like me. I get sucked in continually. There are many positives in your last post. Don't be too hard on yourself, yes you could have kept quiet and not have said certain things but nobody is perfect. Learn from your mistakes....try to stay positive and in a good mood regardless of what she does or says today.
