What to do with a fence-sitter

[JoieDeVivre]

Thanks, hurtin. I'm with you, too...

On a different note, I just came across this site called Woman Savers. If any ladies here ever want to be vindictive to your WAS, you can post their mugs here in a section called 'rate a guy'! I have a feeling these people aren't on DB!

There is also a very interesting article about unfaithful men (which I'm sure can be applied to women, too). Talks a lot about selfishness...
http://www.womansavers.com/unfaithful-men-fantasy.asp

[LL44]

The kiss afterwards was good. You guys are in such a tough situation because of the accident and everything, he has got to keep her on his good side for the sake of the future.

You are so strong, girl.

I bet she would LOVE to get pregnant at this point. Eew!

[JoieDeVivre]

OMG, eew, eew, eew is right! That would be a real tragedy, a crime against humanity. That woman is a bad mother. (She is also 48 years old.)

[LL44]

I could just see her trying it (ok, maybe not at her age), she is getting so needy.......

[JoieDeVivre]

I was wondering this morning if she isn't depressed. I'm sure she is. In a crappy M and her wonderful man ain't leaving his W and running to her side. She's in a no-win sitch.

Going out to dinner tonight with H's family to celebrate FIL's 70th b-day. SIL and her family, too. It will be interesting. First time we've all been together since this all happened. I don't think anyone will bring up the sitch.

We're going to a pretty fancy place, the Capital Grille? Anyone ever been there? It's apparently a chain with quite a few locations across the US. Still trying to figure out what to wear! With steaks at around $40 or more a pop, I don't think jeans are in order! We're betting that my MIL won't be satisfied. She's one of those people that is never happy with anything. Her glass isn't just half-full, it's empty!

[LL44]

Wow, have a great time! Order the $40 steak....... lol

OW has to have had issues just to get involved with a married man in the first place, especially being married herself. I can imagine she is slightly depressed.

[LuvMyHusband]

Good morning,
Joie I read your thread. The name of your post caught my eye. I am wondering if I have a fence sitter too. I thought my H was coming home to stay on Friday. Thursday night he changed his mind and said he wasn't ready. He's staying with his parents in CA. He says the OW is completely out of the picture and has been for a few weeks. I hope this is true and I do tend to believe him this time. I received emails from her ranting an raving a couple of weeks ago.

When he is here everything is great. We talk, are close and intimiate. Last time (Thanksgiving weekend) he put up the Christmas lights and tree, something he knows will make the kids and I happy. He left to go back to CA on Sunday and promised us to be back on Friday for good. Not.

I was pretty upset not only for me but for our kids. He had promised them too. I went dark on Saturday morning. No contact, nothing. He told me to leave him alone on Friday night and wants me to be patient and understanding. Yeah, like I haven't tried to be throughout the last 4 months.

We both like to play games on and online game site, canasta, poker, solitaire, etc. (that's how he met the psycho ()itch). When you are a member you have a profile and a character and a friends list so that when you are on you can play with each other.

Anyway, he had blocked me so that I couldn't see him when he was on but I knew anyway. When I asked him why he said it was bc he was angry with me. Whatever.

Last night I was chatting online with a db friend (female). don't want to name names bc her H reads posts with her name in it. Anyway, I had made some changes to my profile that were flirty with him since he does check my profile. She and I were laughing over it. Not 5 minutes after I made these changes he unblocked himself so that I could see he was on. It was obvious that it was an invitation which I did not accept. I kept playing as if I didn't notice and waited for him to come to me. He didn't so I logged off and went to bed. I have pursued him before and I am determined not too. Plus he asked me to leave him alone and give him space. So I am. I think I need to let him come to me.

Anyway, sorry to hijack but wanted to know if you think I have a fence sitter too. Btw, u are amazing with your strength. I would have mopped up the floor with her if the OW came into my house. You go girl.

[JoieDeVivre]

Luv,
I've really put an effort into being the woman he wants to be with. Not because I'm desperate but I do love him and know that I played my part in our problems. We've always gotten along well, enjoyed each other's company, can make each other laugh.

So you got email from OW, too? That's fun, huh? I keep waiting for another one to come my way but so far, nothing. She was ranting and raving? Geez, he's your H, what right does she have to rant and rave???

Definitely keep on DB. It sounds like you're doing good. I think you did good to ignore him online. Seems like we all find strength and perseverance we never knew we had in dealing with this crap. I already know I'm a stronger, better person but wish there was a better road to travel to have gotten there.

Joie

[JoieDeVivre]

Oops double post

[LuvMyHusband]

HI Joie,
I have been trying to be what he wants to for exactly the same reason. Actually it's not that hard. I too was doing things that caused part of the problems between us and I have learned from my mistakes. I still love him and want our M. I think he does too otherwise he would have filed by now.

Yes, aren't those nice (not) little emails a joy? Before he broke it off with her he had told her we were going to Vegas together. She emailed (3)me the day after I returned telling me how he had been texting her how much he missed her and adored her while we were there. Yuck. I did respond, couldn't resist, that I seriously doubted it bc he had left his cell in our room pretty much the whole weekend. Come to find out she had been trying to call him on the last day and he wouldn't answer so then she started texting him and was verbally abusive. He finally texted her back and told her to leave him alone and that he wasn't going to be in contact with her anymore. She flamed and went after me.

So anyway, you hang in there. Your H's OW is showing her true colors too just like my H's did. He can't stand her now. I am a little confused about why he still doesn't want to come home but am willing to be patient a while longer. He asked me to leave him alone so I am. Not bc I am angry or being spiteful but bc I am trying to respect his wishes and give him space to think and breathe.