Hope - I agree with you: my point was that in my h's case he has turned off from me. I now know that although there are those who continue to want intimacy [whether or not we think it is a good idea or not] there are others who don't, besides my h. This reassures me in an odd way.
well H has been home for 5 months and we have yet to be intimate. He only admitted to the H he was afraid to. we kiss, we hug, we spoon, but we never cross that line...i can feel him shut down immediately once the kissing even suggests going further. So I can unfortunately conjure up all kinds of reasons ( i too thought we had a good sex life), maybe i wont measure up, maybe he has a STD!, maybe this maybe that....
Last edited by a new 2moro; 12/02/0705:12 PM.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
My H said the same thing to me. However, the first time, we kissed and hugged, I knew he was full of sh!t. I didn't sleep with him and when I left a few days later he slept with OW for the first time. Hindsight is 20/20. Don't worry, it will be there when it needs to be.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Angelica, my H is so into his ow, that he has shown NO SIGNS of 'wanting' me .....and he used to be crazy about me ...I know how it hurts and how it makes us worry...but I agree with ANewMe, when it is supposed to be there - it WILL be there !!!
You sound like a wonderful woman, you come across as loving and caring and a great catch !! He's a fool right now...he really is. A fool that is too ashamed of what he's done to even 'look' at himself !
You are a GLORIOUS person ! I just KNOW that !!!
He's a FOOL !!!!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
N2M, You must be patient. He's not been home long enough to feel comfortable in his own skin again, much less be intimate w/you. It takes about 12-18 months before they completely settle down and start to act like normal people again.
Continue being yourself and keep your expectations at zero. He needs to "warm" back up to you gradually. Remember, the way they left will be the way they return--gradually.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly - my h left like a storm. One minute all was well, the next we were living separate lives - does this make it more likely he will return 'suddenly'? Just curious
Angelica, my H isn't the least bit interested in me at all.
In fact I remember a couple times I actually just made skin contact with him and he gave me a look like I gave him cooties or something. So very hurtful.
I remember the last night we had sex. He couldn't seem to orgasm. I took it so personally and started to cry. I went to get up and leave the room but H pulled me back into his arms and said "it's not you, it's me. I don't know what the heck is the matter with me. I love you so much".
I don't know if he couldn't perform because of depression or because he was already being intimate with ow. Maybe both.
((((((hugs))))))) I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one to feel like this.
Thank you - it is hard not to take sexual rejection personally isn't it, however much we 'know' about MLC?
The thing is the OW is VERY sexually experienced - I mean more lovers than you can imagine. And it is stupid but my h seems to find that a real turn on. And that makes me feel inadequate. How stupid is that??
