Here Again What To Do?

[LL44]

Kim. Ok. I am going to try to chime in, not judge and help in some way.

First of all, I am sorry you were a victim of infidelity. You yourself described how much it devastated you. Its a pain beyond words, one we never completely get over. Its wonderful that your H came back to you, tried counseling and seems to be in it for the long haul. Many, many of us can't say those things.

So, you saw your R spiraling downward, blaming it on your H...

Now let me explain where I was at that time in my R with H, he was beinging the definition of an insensitive jerk to put it nicely

What was your part in it? Did you completely forgive him, decide to move on to better things, enjoy your family, and you felt that he wasn't doing those things. I am just curious. Were you still in counseling at this point?

So with the opportunity that was dropped in my lap somebody who puts me on a peddistal and worships the gound that I walk on,

I actually have this in my life right now. My H is cheating on me, I find out someone at work wants to be with me. What do I do? I stay away from him, distance myself. No way I am putting my vulnerable self into that situation.

You are there now. You are in a serious relationship with someone other than your husband, and you seem more worried about hurting him than you do your husband (my H is doing this now, worried about OW's feeling, doesn't care about mine).

We have been carrying on the A now for almost a year and H still does not know

Has he asked? I think with the wedding ring issue, he was giving you an opportunity to confess. Why didn't you? Are you worried about hurting him, or worried your OM R will be messed up?

This really sucks:

The OM is definatly getting impaitent with me because of the constant delays on my part

So, basically you have given OM reasons to believe that you are soon divorcing your husband? But yes, your H doesn't know this, does he?


And this:

I don't want to cut the OM out of my life until I know for sure that H will be willing to do the same thing that I did, forgive me for the affair.

Didn't it hurt you a lot when your H continued talking to OW after the A was discovered? You are basically holding onto OM for whatever reason. Is OM married as well?

I know that in order for things to work out with H and I the OM needs to be out of my life which I am willing to do, it will be hard but I am willing to do it.

This is good. That part makes me a bit happier about your situation. But, what are you going to do now? Tell H first, or cut ties with OM?

I am at a loss of words (surprising with my above rantings), because you are doing what your H has done to you, something that will forever make you feel hurt and betrayed. I guess the curious nature in me wants to know how you can do this when you know the aftermath that is involved. I know how vulnerable I am, in need of someone..something..my self esteen is at an all time low. This is why I steer clear of situations like yours.

Please know, I am coming from a jaded side of the fence, and don't mean to judge you. Lord knows, I am nowhere near perfect. I also don't mean to hurt you by my words. I hope you don't take them too hard, and continue to post here. This is a place for healing and support.