WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..

[jab]

Trying to keep PMA but it's still extremely difficult.

I know I'm probably repeating myself, but what am I supposed to say , how am i supposed to act over the next week (asif, PMA) while I'm moving out?

W is the one who is contemplating D, wants the S and for me to move out! I swear, if it wasn't for my sitch I would NOT move out! I think it is completely wrong! I do feel for the next 60 days, it will reduce the pressure on her and allow me to easily get to/from my job, she might wake up and realize that she misses me and does want to work on things. Hopefully, after 60 days, her attitude about our M will start to improve and not degress.

She has mentioned things like taking my name off the mortgage and refinancing the house in her name (to get a better interest rate). Splitting up bank accounts and such. I have said that I'm open to those suggestions, but honestly, I see where that may go. I have to do everything I can to legally protect my assets and ensure my 'primary residence' stays unchanged. I'm not taking my name off anything that would support otherwise. No change of address with post office, nothing. I'm the one who for the last 13 years had/has the career and supported her financially, made all the home improvements and NOW she FINALLY has a good career she thinks that me letting her keep our house is the 'right thing for me to do' and uses the kids as the reason?!? She sure has me between a rock and a hard place right now.

Should I say ANYTHING regarding my feelings for her or about how I know I CAN be happy without her but I WANT to be happy WITH her? Should I point out that over the years, I have made so many sacrifices just because I loved her (including this S), so much I want to give and show her now that I didn't in the past, all that she wants and deserves from me, but she is THROWING IT ALL AWAY?! Why doesn't she WAKE UP?!

I get so angry because I feel that this is SO unfair to me. I do understand my role in why she feels the way she does, but it doesn't have to be this way. I just cannot understand why she blames me for ALL her unhappiness (some, yes). I don't understand how she feels this is ok. Why is it ok for her to do? I looked forward to this holiday season, wanted to have a wonderful xmas, give her nice loving gifts, spend time as a family...ALL DENIED! She is robbing us of our dreams/our just rewards, at a time when I was beginning to feel like life was making a huge, positive turn for both of us. WE CAN FIX OUR PROBLEMS and BE HAPPY!! Hell, alot of the issues of the past are already fixed or in the process of being fixed already!!

I'm so frustrated and scared because she is getting everything she wants, doesn't have to lift a finger. I'm losing virtually everything that I have worked for the past 16 years and I have to do all the work. I feel that right now she has little intention of making an attempt at saving our M, the only reason she is in a better mood is because my move out is imminent. I want to do the 60 days and just move myself back in regardless of how things are going at that point. If she wants to throw it all away after 60 days then she can find a place herself! Maybe, it won't come to that.

I honestly plan on improving myself and doing the DB, GAL thing moving forward but sometimes I feel like I have lost every ounce of desire and strength. I have lost 20lbs this year, 35lbs total over the last two or three years, if that gives any indication of how much stress I have been under! I weighed myself last night and I'm down to 145lbs! I haven't weighed that since high school! That's scary to me!

I just am unsure of how I should be acting, saying, planning during this move out that was forced on me. I'm still wondering if I should do it at all (although if I don't I will have to seriously tap my retirement savings to get by financially). I'm worried it will kill any trust and chances I have with W if I don't leave for awhile. I'm worried that it will make it much easier for her to just THROW ME AWAY for good if I do move out. Should I plan on doing it for 60 days and then move back in?