Angelica, I am late to your thread...just wanted to add something here. Sex in a long term marriage requires a whole different set of skills...desire is generated from within, and increasingly requires a kind of mental maturity to make it work. Personally, the way I see it, is that the MLCer takes the easy way out, needing a new source of validation. It matters not how good the marriage was prior to the onset of the crisis...what matters is escaping whatever bad feelings that are now brought to surface. And if the marriage had problems ( as mine did), the avoiding/running that our MLCers do is certainly no solution.
Really, there are no excuses. While it's always good to work on our own improvement, the self-blaming, in my mind, is just destructive, just a pit to fall into ( and yes, I have been there).
I am getting to a place now with my H where he is beginning to share some of his past thinking through his crisis, and the gist is this: he was in pain, and didn't understand it and found a way out. And you know what? Every story here is a variation on this theme.
I had been wondering about this too....H and I had a good sexlife, if not great, but of course, with 3 small kids, I didn't always feel up to it...after the bomb and before he left, we did have some great intimate moments and started trying other stuff out...(it was more exciting again..) I remember him saying, that anyone would have trouble living up to that great a time of intimacy between us...
YET........it's a little over a year of ow and he is enjoying her and his sexlife with her !!!! I cannot imagine it...
Is it really just the 'escape' ?
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
RealJourney - thanks for this - I was just having a low moment back there, when others were posting about the decision about whether or not to go on having sex with their WAS MLCers, and I wondered if I was a freak, because my h had such a lack o desire for me.
However good our self validation is, I think we all sometmes wonder if it was REALLY us. We wouldn't be human otherwise, and since our WAS are so SURE it is us, it rubs off just a little!
Someone else also posted that we often have a bad time just prior to moving to a new level of detachment, and that has certainly been true of me.
My h has never attempted to share any of his past thinking; he is still sure he was right in everything, and everyone else is just plain wrong, unsympathetic, uncomprehending and unloving, and I since have been at this quite a long time, so I guess I am a little battle weary.
If he once said something halfway nice I think I would faint!
This error appears to be a "catch-all" error code that Yahoo serves up when it doesn't have a more specific error code. It essentially means "Oops! Something went wrong but we don't know what, so we'll just say that Error 999 occurred."
The most common reason for receiving Yahoo Error 999 is due to some sort of bandwidth limiting system that Yahoo has put in place on their servers. Once you have exceeded your allotted bandwidth for a specific period of time Yahoo gives you this Error 999 message and doesn't allow you to access the service. People have primarily reported receiving this error when they try to access Yahoo Mail or Yahoo Groups, but other Yahoo services may also be affected. At times, when the error is received it is a system wide problem.
I can offer my own feelings although I'm kind of at a different point now, only because I've not seen my H much in the last year. When I was still living at our home and he would drop by often, we would sometimes still be intimate. There was a period of time where I think he purposely did not instigate this with me because on some odd level he felt like he was cheating on the ow. Twisted, I know. Anyway, back then, I did feel that if we could keep this connection going, it was at least something. Hindsight reminds me that it was a stupid, dangerous game I was playing with my health.
Now, present day, I would not continue to be intimate with him, if he were to come visit or what have you. I would welcome him for a visit, but nothing would "happen". It's been over a year since we were together in that way, I don't know who else he may have been with, and I wouldn't want to jeopardize my health. Hey, a girl's gotta protect herself. Also, that would play games with my emotions and I don't want that. So in my case, I wouldn't continue but as I said, I'm not a newbie at this and my view is very different from what it used to be.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Yes, it seems that was something of the problem. I did send an email to yahoo. they replied with some gibberish that didn't make sense....however....you put it in words I could undertand! It is now working again!!
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
