WAW does not want to try

[I_Wanna_Make_It_Work]

Hey waw-p. Thanks for posting over on my thread and for the kind words. Let me share a little about what the next year may bring you and why you must do this - and to assure you, you are doing the right thing.

You are undertaking a huge resposibility - busting your D and working toward your W's salvation. It will not be easy. It will not be over quickly. She will not wake up one day and come running home admitting all her failings and falling to your feet begging your forgiveness. It is a huge resposibility, because at the beginning - you will fight this battle alone. Family will not support you and, in fact, will encourage you to move on. Friends will choose sides, and do the same. Even therapists and spititual counselors may or may not agree with your decision. But believe me, you are doing the right thing. If you have even an ounce of spirituality in you, you have to realize that your WAW has betrayed you and God by taking this course. And at this point, if not YOU, then who will pray for her?

All the advice so far is spot-on. Here's my 2 cents.

One of the first things I was faced with is making a self-evaluation of my short-comings inside the marriage. Where did I drop the ball? What should I have done differently? This takes a little beating up on yourself but it has to be done. Your W is seeking her peace somewhere other then with you - her covenant spouse. She is so uncomfortable with whatever is on her mind that she is willingly breaking her vow to you and to God. There is something in your character or personality that she could no longer live with. It's your responsibility to yourself and to her to figure this out and fix it. Be humble. Be honest with yourself and listen carefully to anything she is willing to share with you. Because the facts are clear. Whatever the issue was, unless you correct it - there is near zero hope she will return. Why in the world would she return to something she just left?

You have to have absolute confidence in yourself, your wife, your marriage and God that this is a trial you have to go through - but it's a small chapter in a much larger novel (or in some cases, a mini-series, LOL). And ultimately, you belong together and will be together. Love, Hope and Faith. Never let those three things leave you.

Last point for now - you and I are at a severe disadvantage. Unlike many here, we don't have children. We have nothing physically that binds us to our wives and they have no reason to stay in contact with us. So EVERY EFFORT your W makes to be in touch or share some intimate information is significant. (She told you she could not be the "real her" - that's HUGE!!!!). Being childless makes it a little more difficult - but far from impossible. Each contact is a blessing in this case. But on the same note - you must absolutely, positively minimize the backslides. No anger, no bittterness, no hostility. Follow her pace and remember, you are doing this for her emotional and spiritual well being. Yes, you want your marriage back - but that will come as a result of doing all the other things.