GD, I love ya man. Your thought process is so clear to me when I see it reflected back. Seriously keep those 2x4's coming, I need all of them. I wrote up my journal below prior to reading your post, so take it for what it's worth.
Before I begin, honestly I'm not really down about much anymore, I just don't fight. I don't care to, I feel to good about myself and the possibilities out there. Be it a M with my W again, or a date with that Doc, or that cute secretary at work. But I can use the advice, I feel like such a novice DB'er. It's so simple to see it in someone elses sitch, you don't think clearly in your own. So here is the juice:
IF YOU SNOOP OR ARE TEMPTED READ THIS!!!
Tonight W and I were going to get a X-mass tree, and decorate with our S. Her idea. Well 6pm comes and goes, and she doesn’t show. So I pack up S and head out to get our tree. I didn’t have expectations and wasn’t disappointed. Have gotten used to that.
No more than 2 minutes after leaving the house W calls. She isn’t coming, says she feels down and is going to stay in. Then she hits me with a huge positive step, she asks if after we get the tree, would S and I come by and we could get him down and watch a movie. Um YAAA! Well, this is the first time I have been “invited” to her apartment for anything since she left. FIRST TIME!
After acquiring a tree we arrive at W’s place. Knock, knock, no answer. Check to see if her car is there and it is. Call her phone, no answer. So I check the door and it is open, W is showering and I tell S to go tell Mommy we are here.
Now I snooped early on, that’s how I found out about the A. But I quickly got it under control. Haven’t snooped for months, MONTHS. Well we walk in and there is her phone. Now she told me last Sunday that her A was over, she was done with him, and she asked to get back together, but then backed out. Read above.
There was no thought process, I just picked it up and got to the in box. Sure as could be there is the OM’s text, “I luv u, have a gd night.” Right then I look up and guess who is standing there dripping wet in a towel. I don’t even know what to say. She takes it and goes back to the bathroom.
She comes back and begins to berate me for snooping and invading her privacy. Luckily through DB, I kept my mouth shut at this point. Inside I’m fuming and thinking, screw you, your having an A still and lying to me. But all I do is apologize for it and say it was a poor decision and I shouldn’t have invaded her privacy. Then she drops the bomb.
“I know right now your sitting there thinking she is having the affair who the hell is she to tell me I’m wrong.” She wips out of the phone, goes to the outbox, and shows her responses. They are all about take a hike, we are done, I want to save my marriage, etc. Then she says I didn’t lie when I told you it was done, and now he shows up here when I get off work and yells at me until I get into my apartment. Says he is crazy. I ask if she needs help and she says no, but he is so mean I look like a pussycat to any fit I’ve ever thrown.
She goes silent for a while, I ask if she wants me to leave and she says no. Eventually she softens and we talk and watch TV. She asked earlier this week for His Needs Her Needs, and she said she read Michell’s article about infidelity, I put that and few others in the book, and said she thinks there may be something but how. She says she doesn’t want to talk about it now tonight after what I did.
We end up having as good a night as you can after that. She texted her girlfriend to come over said she needed to talk. So I said I would get out of her hair and S and I left. I apologized again, and she forgave me. Gave me a sorta hug at the door. I couldn’t help but ask, and said what would have happened if I didn’t do that tonight. I get the sexy shrug of I don’t know.
So if there is a Darwin award for DB’er’s I’m pretty sure I’m in the running for December, possibly all of 2007. Two feelings right now, wow she is thinking about it, you’re an idiot and just shot yourself. I guess we will see.
