What a good year this has been.....

[forever21]

Oh Bethie, thank you!!!!!

I'm sorry reading that post pi$$ed you off so much, but thanks for caring so much about me.

Here, have some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and coffee with me. They are fresh out of the oven and I just pressed the coffee. I know you like your oatmeal. Are you a dark chocolate fan?

The snow started falling here, but hasn't been much. My Mom and Dad just dropped off some more wood for me, since they were coming to town anyway. Dogs are now napping after the excitement.

Yes, Kev is a smart man. So lucky to get his advice. My L, well, I don't know what he's thinking when he suggests I talk with H at all. I like him, but he doesn't fully understand my sitch yet obviously. It's hard to grasp the reality of a person like my H when you give people the benefit like my L does. We can relate, no? Maybe I should ask my C to write my L a letter. I don't waste time repeating myself or telling "H stories" and I try to be as flexible and open-minded as I can, so I probably don't speak up as much as I should be. I've told him what I felt was important and what he's asked about, and that included the fact that he is very manipulative. But I'll bet ya he thinks I just feel that way.

He's feeling hurt that you didn't help him out? WTF? Did you get that? Did it jump right out at you and hit you between the eyes? Cause it did me and I'm still seeing stars! That one comment says it all. It really doesn't matter that you put your life on hold for him, or that financially you are in Limbo, or (most importantly) that he cheated on you and broke your heart. Does he not see the hurt that his actions have caused to you? If he were normal, or had a conscience, he would be ashamed of himself for writing that.

Yep, I completely agree. It doesn't make me too mad or hurt but it amazes me. It is so crazy, I just shake my head. It's just so typical of him. It's all about him... everything. He actually said I should be ashamed of myself for not helping him after all he's done for me. lol! In his mind he thinks he helped me out so much over this last year. Yeah, you read that right. He thinks he provided more financial support than I would've been getting had he D me. I don't. Besides being messed up in the head, he might feel like that because he kept his paychecks going into our joint account... but in reality he was spending so much of that it wasn't even covering the bills. He's also forgetting the fact that he'd told me consistently that he wasn't wanting to D before now. Whatever though. I did my best. There are things I could've done different and better but it was my best.

Thing is he is neither of those thing. He is so self-centered that all he thinks about is himself and what he wants. I know that with your big soft heart getting to a place of understanding has been tough, but you've done so well with that. Sometimes I read this junk and it's like a bizarro world. Almost as if he the tables were turned in his mind and you were the one who caused this. I'm only saying these things to you because when you write this junk I see a very parallel situation between us.

True, he is not normal nor does he have a healthy conscience. It really has been a LOOOOONG road to get to where I am today. I didn't want to believe this about him. I always had hope. Too much hope. I realize it was denial, really. Not that I have no hope for him now, but it feels like it in comparison. He needs serious help and I think he knows it. This is normal for him to make excuses and blame while he's making poor decisions. He usually ends up coming out the other side acting extremely remorseful to me, but it's been a long string of bad choices.... and they've gotten worse over time... he hasn't seemed to learn from his mistakes, the stakes have only grown.... it's too risky for me at this point in my life. The "responsibility" I thought he had taken in the past usually didn't felt real, because it probably wasn't. As you know, he was likely just doing that to weasel his way back in and wasn't truly remorseful... only sad, sorry, and "taking the blame" because he wasn't getting away with everything he wanted to. This stuff used to truly confuse me and lead to me feeling unsure of myself. You probably know exactly what I'm talking about.

I won't be surprised if he comes back begging for me to give him yet another chance. He always has. I am finally breaking away from this unhealthy R, and man. It's so weird, life. It is all so much more clear to me now. I don't need to save this M. When I stayed at my parents' over Thanksgiving I had quite a few dreams that brought me back to high school. While I have worked on myself throughout the years things in my childhood have made more and more sense, but lately it's like I'm almost done putting the puzzle together. That feels good.

Well, so far I'm lucking out because H has yet to reply with any answer on what it is he's wanting to straighten out with me. I figure everything is getting straightened out for him as far as "we" are concerned anyway, since I am filing. He can thank me later.

If you think that it is easy for me to write this and to say this stuff about your ex, it isn't. Actually it hurts. For so long I wanted to believe that my husband was in there somewhere, and even though everyone had an opinion, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. In the end, I was the one with the blinders on. If they are ever to "see the light" it will only be because we stopped enabling them and buying into their crap!

Thanks so much, Beth. I know exactly what you mean and feel the same way. I'm so thankful I finally stopped enabling and buying into my H's crap. I think I've finally freed myself because of it. I have faith they will see the light if and when it is the plan for them to.

Here's to our lives! Only the best for us.

Lots of love, f21

(((((Bethie)))))