The End or Just a Begining?

[Gone Dancin']

A few thoughts (Note: the following interjections contain a tremendous amount of sarcasm):

at work in a meeting she keeps calling so I take it and she tells me she is leaving.

then...

Then one day after my W expressed some concerns and possibilities, I was totally sucked back in.

followed by...

Of course she rejected and I died inside.

and...

Tried to mediate but she said she was taking me for everything I was worth. Her papers where scathing and said some horrible things.

Next...

I asked W to meet on the Friday after Thanksgiving. She ended up not showing.

then...

Well W calls, she is upset and crying and wants to meet to talk terms so the hearing won’t take place.

Exhausted yet? I sure am!

I start in with number one, child custody, she just breaks down right there. Says she wants me back, she wants her H and family back. She wants to move home when the time is right.

and

It is now 6pm Sunday night and our hearing is 9am tomorrow morning. She says can’t we just call the court and cancel.

Well! Sounds like you're going to live happily ever after, right?

At this point she calls her sister who is in from out of town, gives her directions to the court, and states that she is so happy we are going to work things out. Her sister wigs out and states “Don’t you know how much mother has spent on this.” [...] end the call and W is no unsure. Thinks she is making a rash decision.

Oh man! Didn't see that coming, did we? (insert saracasm)

Next morning she and her sister show. She looks at me and nods her head and smiles, in our own little nonverbal language to say it’s OK.

Then it must be okay, I'm sure!

So we conference prior to the hearing at her lawyer’s request, which turns out to be rather funny since he won’t negotiate on anything. My poor W sits there the whole time just staring at me with tears.[...] then I say stop, look at her and say “W, stop this, it’s your choice.” She just sits there and says nothing. So her attorney says alright lets go argue it.

And I was so sure W was gonna dismiss the case!

Well she is asking for more money in alimony then I make net in a month. She is asking for sole custody and another 800 for that. She wants to sell the house, which we bought 21 days before she left.

Wow! Didn't think this was gonna happen at all!

After arguments the Commissioner says she is going to chambers to make her decision. She returns, and I win on every single point.

Thank God for small wonders! Bless that Commissioner's stable and sensible heart!

Later that night I call and check on her and she is dazed. Says she got raped in Court, and now feels horrible because she lost her H, family and home. Says she wished she never listened to her sister.

Now, in all seriousness: You know that this is because she lost in court -- not because she loves you -- right? Would she be saying this if she won on every point? Sadly, methinks we both know the answer.

We have talked almost every night this week since. She is pretty distraught and can’t decide what to do now.

I thought she just said she wishes she had never listened to her sister? What's to decide? Can't she make a decision and stick with it for more than 24 hrs!? Oh yeah, we both know that answer to this question too!

I said the only way around not doing it is to dismiss the case, which she says she wants to do, but can’t.

Sure she can -- but she can't think for herself, therefore she won't dismiss it. (Oh, but I thought she wanted her H and her family back, right? What BS!)

Her mother is bipolar and her sister was just diagnosed. I really think my W may be as well, probably Hypo bipolar, not to extreme.

She seems pretty freakin' extreme to me, Atlas.

But her mood just swings way too much.

My friend, THAT is the understatement of the millenium.

W is actually coming over tonight, we are going to get a tree and decorate with our S. No expectations on my part I know how it goes. I’ve been here long enough.

I certainly hope so, Atlas. I certainly hope so.

I don’t believe there is enough time before the divorce will be final, sometime in January or February, for her to show real lasting changes that I can rely upon. I have way too good of a thing going in the D financially, and so I’m planning on continuing with it, even if she wants to dismiss.

Can a brotha get an AMEN! up in here?

If she really cares and changes her mind, she will realize that one is only the legal marriage and not the emotional. After that we can work on her moving back and living unmarried for a while until we are ready. I just don’t think I can give up my financial hand, it is too strong.

Knowing your history with your W, I think this is a very wise and responsible thing for you to do -- just stick to it. If W truly loves you, she will understand and do whatever it takes on her end to make things right (this being one of them).


Now, sarcasm and 2x4s aside, I think there is still hope for you and your M, but your W has so much work to do ON HERSELF that I think you're looking at a looooooooooong road back to reconciliation. For the last X amount of months, your W has done more back and forth/up and down motion than a yo-yo during a yo-yo pro competition. IMPO (and it's just my O), your W will have to be consistent with her reconciliation efforts and efforts on herself for AT LEAST DOUBLE the time that she has spent jerking you back and forth. I seriously hope you stick to your guns and protect yourself, Atlas -- financially, emotionally, psychologically, etc. Don't let your W come back before the personal work has been done. If she can't accept such a situation, then she doesn't deserve you back (heck, I don't think she even deserves your consideration NOW!)

Just my two cents, but I think others who know you and yours sitch would/will agree with me, with maybe some very slight variation.

Good luck, Atlas -- my D is final in 6 days. And honestly, I wish it were today! I'm done, and just want this to be over with so I can close the book on this final chapter.

GD