WAW hasn't walked yet, but emotionally dead

[mako]

Thanks wawpioneer...I've also found that I can recognize more now when people are putting on a strong face but feeling down within...maybe cause I've seen that look in the mirror so often lately.

W called today, just to see if any new news on my uncle and to ask where her mail is. Very short conversation. She's stopping by to get the mail, but I'm not around so I won't see her. Haven't seen her in close to 2 weeks.

I felt really down after talking to her. I know in my head patience is a necessity, but I'm frustrated by the slowness, the lack of progress, all I see is her looking forward to a future without me, just have a feeling inside that she'll never change her mind. I too was very excited about our future a couple months ago...much less excited about the future I see without her. At least I'm going out with a friend tonight, maybe I'll feel better then.

[sandi2]

Mako,

Don't play more into her show of kindness than is there. Just b/c a wife walks away doesn't necessarily means she stops caring about all the people that were her in-laws. It could be a positive sign that she called, but don't get too hoped up over it, okay? Just keep GAL and all the other DR stuff.

[mako]

Hi Sandi,

I'm certainly not getting hopes up due to her show of concern, as I think my last post illustrates. I know she still cares about my family, she even mentions sometimes how she wishes she could do something or say something to them but fears that they all hate her. I try to validate this feeling but also let her know that they don't.

I do still think it was a positive for the reasons I mentioned in that post, though I'm aware that it isn't necessarily that big a thing either. It does help, when going through this, to hang on to any positive interactions, any baby steps help me to keep the faith that maybe someday things will change.

Thanks for checking in on my thread, I appreciate your input. Trying my best to keep up the DR stuff.

[mako]

Well, I've overcome my downness of earlier. It's amazing how up and down things can be, even hour to hour.

Going to see the Bob Dylan movie tonight. My favorite artist, so I'm pretty excited, should have a good time.

[sandi2]

I sure didn't mean to bring you down, sweetie, but I have seen men graps a straws when they see their WAW's do some small gester that gets their hopes up that things will change and then crash when it doesn't go the way they hoped. I just want you to try to stay positive but realistic.......if that's possible.

Best wishes and hope you have a good weekend.

[SirPrizeMe]

Mako, this all happened so suddenly for. I'm sorry to rear about your situation. You've got a very different life now, from only a few weeks ago.

But you have the right attitude, you're smart, you know what to do, and you're doing it. Hang in there...

[wawpioneer]

Glad to see you getting out some too mako. I went out shopping with my brother and nephew tonight and got in late. It seems that I don't completely feel horrible when I am out doing things. Hope you get to hear from her soon. I now it is killing you like it is killing me.

[mako]

Thanks all for the support.

sandi: don't worry, it wasn't you that brought me down, just the sitch, I felt down before I saw your post. I appreciate the advice though, I know if I'm not realistic I'll just be disappointed.

Sir: in my head I know I have the right attitude and that the DB tools can help me get through this regardless of the outcome. Problem is the heart overtakes the head a lot of time. It's ironic that I'm trying to be more open and honest with my feelings and emotions at the same time that the feelings and emotions are most painful and it'd feel better to just shove them aside.

wawpioneer: glad you got out too. GALing is great and necessary. When this all started I mostly moped around for a week, wallowing in pain frustrationa and self pity. That did me no good at all. It's great to get out and have a good time. I enjoyed the movie and had fun tonight, so I'm in a good mood.

[mako]

W called this morning. She wanted some internet password that she had forgotten. I gave it to her and told her a little about the movie I saw and how the dog is doing. Very short, under 5 mins, she was working and said she had to get off the phone. She said she'd call to check in with me later in the week.

I really don't know what the heck I'm doing. She seems to expect that she'll just call me when she feels like it, the times that I've contacted her the past couple weeks she sometimes doesn't even respond. It's her world, I'm just playing a tiny part in it right now, and I don't get to play unless she wants me to, mostly just when she wants something. Guess that tells me there's no point to contact her?

Yes, I must detach, stop dwelling on all this BS and just let her go. Easier said than done though, and I am trying to...

I do feel I'm reaching the point that, even if she called and said she was coming back tomorrow, I'd be skeptical and know we need to go very slowly, I will need to have a lot of trust rebuilt if we ever were to reconcile. In the past I'd have taken her back with open arms the second she chose that, now I am less sure. I suppose that's progress.

[mako]

OK, as noted above I asked W to go hiking this weekend. She declined, and in response I wrote this:

just want you to know one thing: i'm cool with you, i've moved past the resentment and hard feelings that were so natural at the beginning. so if i come up with things to do that i think you'd enjoy i may invite you along once in awhile...but i also understand any need you have for more time and space and respect that too. right now i just want to be your friend...

today she responded with this:

sorry i didn't reply to this earlier. anyway, yeah, i do need space and distance. i'm still trying to transition, and it's not that i am looking for ways to avoid you. i am adjusting to life on my own and for the most part doing pretty good, but i know hanging out like old times would mess with my emotional state. it's truly good to hear that you've been making so much progress though. have a good time this week with the doggies [i'm dog watching for my parents]

I'm happy to hear this, because finally I know exactly what she wants: space. Sure, I thought that was the case before, but now she told me, so I can more confidently give it to her.

I also like that she is apparently noticing signs of progress.

Any thoughts on if I should even respond to this, and if so how?

I was thinking of just a simple thanks and saying that I will respect her need for space. I could also add something about how I too am happy with my progress. But I have no idea if even this is too much considering what she just said, so looking for thoughts...

Regardless, whether I respond or not, aftwards I now know she wants space, so I will stop the pursuit (or even things that might look like pursuit). Basically dark time.