How did she get to where she was? I think it's standard affair stuff:
she was about to turn 40. getting older.
feeling unconfident about herself. changed her hairstyle often in the years prior to the affair. talked of getting a boob job.
her hearing was going. she got a hearing aid. it runs in the family but I think she took it as a sign of age.
our youngest was in school full time. She had time on her hands.
she was asking herself "what do I do with my life?" - type questions.
her friend (my friend) was having trouble in his marriage. He had had a vasectomy and yet his wife was pregnant. The man was despondent.
she comforted him. (I was on a business trip) He got drunk. He made a pass at her. The first night, the kissed but nothing further happened. Their minds started clicking. He called her the next day professing his love for him.
she went to him. it was exciting, fun, romantic. They stole away. the secrecy was addictive.
she began to hate me. She built up lots of resentment with him, about me. she imagined I knew about the affair, and didn't even care enough to put a stop to it. etc etc.
W told me all this while we were trying to recover and reconcile.
I think this is all pretty standard MLC type stuff. So I feel like I understand the affair, now. (I talk of it as if it is over but I am not so sure. Nothing I can do about it though.)
What I don't really understand is the desire to rip up the family now. Affair or no affair, we have a beautiful family. This is a beautiful thing we made together, and it ain't done!
I want to be at home when my son comes in and has to tell me he wrecked the car for the first time. I want to be there when my daughter goes on her first date. I want to be there when they come home with a gold star from school. I want to go on family vacations to explore the world with them. I want to be there when her mother dies, as she was there for me when mine passed away. I want to be there when she falls ill, and I want to take care of her when she does. By my daily presence, I want to show my family how to deal with adversity, how to forgive, what character means, how to help people you love, how to fulfill commitments. I want to be the father I know I can be.
But I feel like I'm not getting that chance.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
