Brit and Craig, Thanks and I know you are both right. I really didn't think it was that great of an idea. Just as I was reading DR today I was thinking about all the things I want to tell him. You are right, he is not ready to listen. I guess for know I'll just write it down and keep it to myself.
Burn it - Don't keep it, or he'll find it when you really don't want him to. Trust me, it just seems to work that way :-)
You seem pretty down these last few days. Is there something new brewing in your head that you're trying to figure out?
Thanks for asking Brit. I guess I just don't see H as ever being willing to work on the R. He responded a little to some flirting the other day, but the was only physical. It seems as if I'm seeing no emotional changes in him. When I talked to my FIL he seemed to indicate that H didn't see any hope. That is what H has been telling me since June. I really can't see anything changing as long as he continues to see the C he is now. His C still hasn't asked to talk to me after all that time. Mine wanted to talk to my H the first time I went in.
Opps. Almost got caught on here by H. He just woke up from sleeping on the couch. That is what he has been doing since I got home at 8:45 and it is now 10:30.
Anyway, I'm not sure exactly what has me so down the past few days. I think I am really in need of some validation for anything from my H and I'm not getting any.
I also don't know what to make of him not telling his Mom. I know he doesn't want to hear what he has to say. I know I should stop trying to analyze everything and just DB. Right now I'm in desperate need of some love from someone other than my beautiful Ds.
Well, I say it coming and I had a bit of a meltdown today. D10 sk8s out of town Sat. and D15 doesn't want to call. Thought H was going to talk to her about staying at MIL so he can drive up on Fri. Told him I have a double room and he can stay with us and have his own bed. H wants to drive there and back on Sat.(6 Hrs.) That worries me because he has not been sleeping well. He has to catch a flight Sat. night and I worried he is running himself down. Our conversations had too much drama(mostly my fault). So I was in tears. H said we would talk about it tonight, but we didn't. H did tell D15 she was staying at MILs. D wasn't happy, but as I told H today, she can't get her way all the time.
So I did too much contacting and too much pressuring. I know I really screwed up and I'm sure I took a million steps back. Thank goodness I see my C tomorrow.
I figured out earlier today why I have been so down. I guess it is because I thought we were making progress, but then I had my hopes dashed by FIL.
H seemed fine when I got home tonight. He had made dinner for the girls per my directions. He also tried to clean up after dinner. I helped and thanked him for his effort. (I had to clean up their mess from last night.)
So I am going back to the beginning. THINK positive, Look for positives. Stop analyzing.
H seemed fine when I got home tonight. He had made dinner for the girls per my directions. He also tried to clean up after dinner. I helped and thanked him for his effort. (I had to clean up their mess from last night.)
Don't worry about the setbacks - They happen. Your H will forget and things will get back to where you were last week.
I wouldn't put too much thought into what he said to your FIL. How he behaves with you is the most important thing - He's at home with you and the D's most of the time, and he lives at his office. Yes, that is a man who has moved on and doesn't want his family
Seriously, after being separated for five weeks, he won't go away - That doesn't sound like a guy who is 'done'. That said, much like my sitch, it's almost impossible to detach and move on when they send so many mixed signals.
I wholeheartedly agree with Brit. Setbacks happen, just like sh** happens.
And remember not to believe what you HEAR. That's what FIL said H said, but not what your H is SHOWING you right now. To me he is showing you how he feels. Even thought it would take 9 wild horses to drag it out of him right now. I also agree that if it has been 5 weeks and nothing has happened with a D or any negative things from him then he is sticking around still. It's a positive!
Do something really positive for yourself today, dress up and do makeup as if you were going to go out and do something special. Sometimes just foofing it up outside will help you on the inside.
You are special lizzy, you deserve it. Be good to you.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Thanks again Brit and PM. I am glad to know I have you there for me. You will be happy to hear that I did splurge on some new make up yesterday. (The girl at the counter saw me coming.) I also bought a super cute purse today.
Today was a much better day. I sent H a text in the morning inviting him to spend extra time at the house tonight because he won't see much of the Ds over the next week. He really appreciated the offer. I'm glad I took the chance. Did a little flirting while he was around. After he left he called looking for his wallet. I was on my way out so I offered to drop it off to him. H took me up on that. When I saw him I asked if it was a ploy to get me to give him something. (Not my exact words.) Well, lets just say if it was it work. (How about that PM ) Then I hugged him, he told me goodnight and here I am. I enjoyed the time together and I hope it meant something to him.
I did see my C today. She is about as perplexed as me. She also sees H as still being really confused.
Look at you! Flirting, being foofy and everything! You go girl!
That was a very positive exchange for you and he probably saw the girl he married. I'll bet anything it threw him for a loop, haha.
Enjoying the small moments is what it is all about. I'm beaming from ear to ear for you.
Oh, I did more than flirt PM. But after me meeting his "needs" Thursday, he is pulling back. (I'm sure it freaked him out. I was shocked he let me do it to begin with.) Today he came to see D10 sk8. I gave him a hug as he was leaving and told him WE would miss him because he is leaving town today on business. Nothing in return, wouldn't even put his arms around me. I did make it home as he was packing which stresses him. I asked what I could do to help and helped him pack. He left very stressed because he got off a little later than planned, and his car had been egged.
EA#1 will be on the trip with him. I am hoping she will do something to get on his nerves, but I don't think I will be that lucky.
Oh well, I'll enjoy the time with the girls and do some GAL
H ended up sending a text from the airport telling my he had a couple of drinks and felt better. I was glad to hear that because I felt he was mad at me when he left although I didn't do anything. At the point of the text D10 was having a major meltdown because she was overtired from a sk8ing competition. I sent a message back joking that he should have a couple for me and why. He then called to talk to D and called again later to check on her and talk to her. Chatted a little w/ me also.
Well, I say it coming and I had a bit of a meltdown today. D10 sk8s out of town Sat. and D15 doesn't want to call. Thought H was going to talk to her about staying at MIL so he can drive up on Fri. Told him I have a double room and he can stay with us and have his own bed. H wants to drive there and back on Sat.(6 Hrs.) That worries me because he has not been sleeping well. He has to catch a flight Sat. night and I worried he is running himself down. Our conversations had too much drama(mostly my fault). So I was in tears. H said we would talk about it tonight, but we didn't. H did tell D15 she was staying at MILs. D wasn't happy, but as I told H today, she can't get her way all the time. 
HUG
) Then I hugged him, he told me goodnight and here I am. I enjoyed the time together and I hope it meant something to him. 