I Was Almost A Walk-Away Wife (next thread)

[sandi2]

Wow, Lou, I wished I had had those articles to read a long, long time ago. One says what DomR has been trying to tell me and the other says what Cemar has been trying to tell me....I think. I appreciate you sending them to me. God, I wished I had had those when I was a lot younger.

But, my concern now is that I don't feel desire for him. I am struggling with that. I think I am still a WAW in my heart. I tried for a few months to over-come that and thought it was getting better, but then the depression got worse. He does things around the house to try to help me due to my health condition, he knows I'm not up to it. So, I have to give him credit for that. A lot of men wouldn't care one way or the other. I do get put out with him about the other things I've written about, but I guess all R has problems about stuff like that.

My heart hurts b/c I want to feel attraction for him and desire him sexually. I truly do, but have not felt that in so many years. Then when I got involved with the OM and he stirred up those sexual feelings.....well. I know what I did was wrong, but I have had a hard time getting the OM out of my head. About the time I think I'm over it, I start having fanstasies about him at night when I go to bed. That is embarrasing to say. I fought it for a long time, but here lately, it seems to be coming back again. That is why I am scared that I'm getting back to the place I was before. I feel so vulnerable.

However, I may not have any problems soon about any sexual desire for anyone, due to the Zoloft I'm taking. The doctor doubled my dosage and I've only been taking it a month and I can already tell that it is decreasing my sex drive. Maybe that will take care of any temptation to contact OM, but it certainly won't help with my MR. I am afraid that I may not be on the right type of AD b/c I just don't want to do anything....not even put up a Christmas tree. I have no interest in anything at all. I can't make myself finish reading all those books I bought about MR.......nothing. I sure hope I am better by Christmas, for my family's sake or I will be like a zombie. That was pretty much the state I was in before when I was on AD's.

Well, thank you again for the articles. It helped me to understand men a lot better without the resentment I was feeling when the others was trying to say the same thing. Sorry DomR and Cemar.

I really need everyone's prayers right now.