angelica and snodderly both have summed it up perfectly, but I wanted to add a third agreement just so you feel very assured: your H does not love this woman. I know that because he left and has been SO mean to you, you of course would reason that yes, he loves her, etc. I mean, that would seem logical. I did it, too. However, does a man in love with ow call up his wife multiple times in the middle of the night? Go back and read all your latest posts and see just how much he has made contact with you. Like snodderly said, she is being USED right now. It is hard to believe it at this moment but it IS the truth. I outright asked my H a few months ago if he ever really loved the ow, and he said, "No." And I really don't think he was lying about it. I am sure your H would eventually reach a point where he would say the same thing.
Your posts take me back to 2 years ago this very time of the year when my H was doing all these same things, mopsey. The calling in the middle of the night, coming over in the middle of the night, crying, acting despondant, depressed, scared. I am so sorry because I know exactly how you feel right now. It's SO confusing...if he feels this sorry, why doesn't he stop? Right? I guess it isn't that easy for them.
When this started happening to me, I gained some peace because I knew something was not right with my H and he couldn't possibly be happier if he were looking and acting this way. So it is with your H too.
Definitely keep up what you are doing; I am SO proud of you that you said you don't obsess about it as much. Mopsey, that's huge. When you get to that point, you slowly start to heal from this. Great job.
Keeping you in my prayers. Stay strong.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
