Turning the Page

[theforlornhope]

W8ing,

I'm in the same boat as far as the settlement issues.

My H will not be happy that I am not blindly accepting his property settlement proposal.

In the beginning, just after the D bomb, I was thinking like "her husband," and when she said "I want to keep my 401K and you keep yours," I assumed it was a matter of a few thousand dollars. I agreed.

My W has been keeping her 401K/retirement statements in her office for about 3 years, (feature this, about the same time as the OM/IDLYA bomb,) along with her cell phone records.

Then....

I asked her for full custody, it got ugly.

We tried to talk about transferring to either of our home states, it got ugly.

I let her cool off, and asked her how she wanted to proceed with the custody / logistics discussions since we can't talk about them on our own.

She was still pissed, and said "I want to let the lawyers handle it."

At the first settlement conference, we disclosed all assets & debts. I was SHOCKED. I said "no way, we split down the middle." It got ugly later.

If she had just lied to me and agreed to transfer (without meaning to,) I would have agreed to her version of the settlement without full disclosure.

I'm glad she was acting selfish. It saved me a TON.