Get Me On A Smoother Ride....Need Advice #7

[JoieDeVivre]

Sue,
Hope your H makes it home ok. I agree with Yoyo -- he is not being a very responsible adult! He doesn't want a DUI, he'll have worse things to worry about than not making his bonus. Hopefully the drinking is due to his stress level. My H drinks too much, too so I hear your worry...

Joie

[SueS]

Good morning-

Yoyo- Their not sure what's wrong with D3. Not to get too much into it, but it hurts her to go #1. They didn't see anything on the initial tests, so they're running some more.

H made it home okay....drunk. He came in the bedroom and tried to initiate sex...a couple of times. I just acted like I was sleeping. WTF?? He made a bunch of noise when he came home, talking to a buddy.

This morning I noticed a gold ring on his right hand. I asked what it was. He snapped at me and said....what does it look like?....It's a ring....I found it last night. It is too small to go on a ring finger, so it's on a different one. He made a big deal (thinking it's all funny) about how he's hungover. D3 saw 4 shot tubes that he'd brought home. He laughed and said he got them from the Yager Girls going around the concert selling shots.

I'm just amazed at this man. The drinking has increased so much. Understand that it's not a surprise to me that he's drinking. I'm just surprised that it's increased so much, so quickly compared to just a few weeks ago.

I'm so angry this morning. He thinks he can just come home drunk, call his friends, get sex from me and then be an a$$ the next day. He acts like a concerned dad this morning by asking D3 questions about her day.

This isn't my H. This is a man I don't know any more. He's just a guy living next to me that's involved with someone else.

Well, everyone have a good Saturday.

SueS

[fightingirish]

Sues,

Im so sorry, How irresponsible can you get!! He is totally selfish.. I don't know how you stand it. he isn't the man your married.. he's an alien form of that.. I wish there was something I could say to help you feel better.

Something has to change.

(((hugs))

tal

[Yoyowife]

Sue,
His behavior sounds like that of a Frat boy. He is having a major MLC, isn't he? I remember guys bragging about how drunk they got in college, but now? Come on...he is an adult with a family. I wish we could do some intensive shock therapy on him! Dang!

[LL44]

Oh the ring!! OMG And he found it?? Does he attend the same Infidelity meeting as my H??? And bragging about the hangover, the shot tubes...everything!! I understand your anger. He is unbelievable. Yoyo pegged it: Major MLC

HUGS Sue!

[SueS]

Hi-

I got on earlier, but H was lurking and kept asking what I was doing. He has the balls to sit here and send her emails with sappy songs attached and he thinks he can question what I'm doing??????

So, the ring....actually silver. Pissed & hurt. I don't know where it came from, but it's pretty much just what he and I had looked at for him a while back. When I gave him a silver chain & bracelet for his b-day in June, I told him that I would get the ring to match very soon.

One funny thing tonight. H left to take the garbage out. He just grabbed the recycling. It literally takes 1 minute to take it out. When he'd been gone for 10, I got mad. I went to put a new bag in the garbage can and noticed he hadn't taken that down. We live in a condo complex. The door to the garage is right next to our front door. I grabbed the bag of garbage & walked it down to the garage. There stood H, on his phone....looking guilty & caught. I stared at him the whole time, handed the garbage to him & walked away. I was so pissed. But, did that make things any different??? No. He still came up here and sent her emails & sappy songs.

I seriously think things have gotten very serious with them & that things here will be exploding soon. Don't want it that way, but just a feeling.

What kind of man does all that and then fixes and awesome dinner for him and his wife?? Doesn't make sense.

Well, I need to get to bed. H is in the living room, on the couch, which is where I think he'll stay. He's slept there a few nights this week.

Have a good one.

SueS

[JoieDeVivre]

((( HUGS )))

One word to you about your H -- SELFISH. But maybe another one to explain the dinner -- GUILT. But have to add this one about the emails and phone call -- BALLS.

Keep marching to the DB tune.

[SweetRedd]

Dangit, your H is ticking me off. Just one comment about things exploding there soon. You've stood by for two months waiting for H to make a move. If it's about to boil over, be very careful how you handle any confrontation. You're still in the early stages of DBing right now considering you and H haven't had any R talks and the A isn't fully out of the bag. If, or once they make a move, things are going to change very rapidly for them. Right now they have their spouses at home with the kids while they are free to have fun. If this moves towards them being together - both will have to face their families. Your H might realize that it's not all fun and games with the OW. What is fun adult time all the time would turn into what he's trying to run from. Doesn't she have a few kids? They are living in a fantasy world where they don't have responsibilities. They don't see each other after a rough day with the kids, a hard day at work, personal crisis. Given how immature your H is acting, I don't think he's going to find the reality of her life and responsibilities too appealing if that's what he chooses.

((((SUE)))) Hold your head up lady. You have a precious D that loves and adores you. Everything is going to be OK. You're getting stronger every day and can do this!

Shela

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Sue
I just want to stop by and let you know that I feel your pain and hardship. My H wants to be a college boy. Last night, he went out and got drunk, which is okay with me. When he came over 10am today, he was still drunk. This is not a supprize to me.

There are lists of thing he does and they are just childish, selfish, irresponsible, and so on.. I have told him already that I will not bail him out if he does stupid thing.

Stay strong ... for your little one and yourself.
Beauty

[Rob1231]

Hi Sue,

I agree with what's been said above - your H is one seriously alien-possessed, selfish, MLC-to-the-max nut case. Calmly planning ahead of time to get a DUI? What a maroon, as Bugs Bunny would say. Very scary.

As your H goes around doing these stupid things, my advice to you is to protect yourself. You can't control his stupid actions, but do be very aware of how they put you at risk.

First, think about protecting yourself financially. For example, what if he caused a wreck while driving drunk, and someone got seriously hurt or killed? Imagine the lawsuit - and imagine the repercussions on you if it came to light that you knew ahead of time he was planning to do this. As another scenario, suppose H decided to blow all of your savings on a new sports car? That would fit his MLC behavior to a "T". Is it time to set up your own checking and savings account?

Second, and I hate to say it, you need to think about STDs. You don't know what H has been up to - but if the self image he's painting for himself is drunken frat boy, that doesn't bode well to me.

Finally, I worry about you and D being around him when he's on such an emotional roller coaster, combined with the drinking. Your dad may never have been an angry drunk - but that doesn't promise your H never will be. This guy is just plain out of control. I hope these fears are unjustified, but please do step back from the sitch for a bit and think about it.

Remember, you can't control his actions - but you do control yours. That includes not setting yourself up to be a victim. Stay strong and focus on your own happiness - you and D deserve joy and peace, and (as is ALWAYS the case) it's up to you to make that happen. ((((Sue))))