A question for the ladies

[Corri]

BF:

But are you saying you married your H during the "honeymoon" phase and then realized it was not really love? .....so there was no love and no sex?

Everyone who initiates divorce makes some sort of rationalization along this line LFL,
I was too young,
I didnt know myself
I didnt know what I was doing
blah blah

Im not sure why they dont just own it. Probably too much ego conflict. Who I am-vs.- Who I want to be seen as. Makes the triune brain spit out gobblegook.

probably the same ones, who were yelling in indignation at their parents 'I AM A GROWN UP' 'I CAN MAKE MY OWN CHOICES'
snort.

Ooohhhh... nice one BF. That one almost hit my knees. How 'bout bringing it up just a bit, bud. I like 'em high and inside.

I spent too many years in counseling and what not to shove off blame onto someone else, thanks. LFL asked me a question, to which I responded honestly. I didn't blame his lack of insight for the D, nor my youth for the D.

being loved requires intimacy.

And being intimate requires what?

Sharing of self, and acceptance of other with eyes open.

And why would I want to share my self and accept another with my eyes wide open after a few beers and a charming smile... and not think that was the most naive and self-delusory thing I had ever tried to pull on myself?

Sorry to be picking on you, bud,

No. Your not. \:\) Youve been itching to do this here for a long time now. So. Lets do this. Crack open a cold one and grab your 'dont take it personal shield.'

I love it when men tell me how I feel... or better yet, tell me I'm wrong after I've stated how I feel.

How's that working for you in your current LTR?

Do you recommend I get into a LTR?

Nice deflection. My question was to your comment re:

Ive said the above before, and Ill say it again. I just want her running hot. My actions back it up.

So, no. Those actions clearly state you don't want an LTR, and do a fine job of avoiding them all together {nod} I get that.

Yet... you get on here saying what women want in a mate... her biggest motivation for a mate is children. For me, that may have been true at one time... but it isn't now. So what's my motivation? Tell me. You seem to know.

If she doesnt show any capability of discernment (or a level of intelligence that I find acceptable) on day 1,2, 3 or 10 why should I keep going? Maybe she only wants some sexual validation, should I chase after her and change her mind? That has me laughing till I cry, just thinking about it... [bf on bended knee] listen I know you just wanted to use me last night, but your an extraordinary woman, I can tell because you said I have nice hair and look like Matthew McConaughey, (I think your rose colored glasses are smudged, here let me wipe them for you, yes I know thats nice of me, I like animals too) and since I need to be in a LTR to improve myself... hahahaha

eye roll... where's my tissue... poor, poor, BF...

Do you recommend this LTR with just anyone, or should I show some discretion-- since at some point I will likely be contending with remarks like this At the very least, HE should have known better

A fact is a fact. He should have. I should have, too. There. 50-50 split now. Are you done being bitter for my xH? And again, I don't recommend you for an LTR with anyone right now. But... you've got it figured out and are doing fine on your own, so why do you keep asking my opinion?

Since you are using LTR as a benchmark

No, I'm not. Guess you weren't reading carefully. I was using respect, honesty and trust as benchmarks. That typically takes some time to develop and test... at least for me... you... obviously know very quickly.

when you have been in one that has succesfully gone past the 'working out our parental figure issues from our youth' stage..(which I am really not interested in getting married for that ) .. say 8 9 years and some kids from now, you can throw that trash about LTR at me. Oh wait. nope you cant do that.

Wow... thought you were a girl for a minute there, what with how catty you are getting.

In the meantime your intermittantly dating someone from a different city/state so save the lectures on intimacy. Dont come to the playground with that weak ass sh!t. You prefer serial monogamy. I dont. I would never 'expect' a woman to fill my sex needs. The odd one out may be able to wear me out in those hours long go rounds they like to have occasionally, but day in day, thats reallly rare. If she wants to and is capable, great. If not. thats cool too. Frankly the idea of MWithoutC sounds like a differant version of sexual and emotional dictation to me. in times the past the words PWhipped would have come to mind to describe that scenario. but hey if its agreed upon...its all good.

We weren't talking about me... this started with the comments you were making about Rs, respect and intimacy in general. Somewhere along the line you started personalizing. But... since you've brought it up... you're right in your assessment. Probably. Feel better? Af for the PWed? Dunno. Never have been myself, so it would be impossible for me to ascertain. Given that I really haven't nailed this R stuff down, I really don't know.

I would never 'expect' a woman to fill my sex needs.

Snort. And what one woman has had a chance to?

Marriage is a commitment.

woo wee did you just open a can of whup ass.

Yes... well apparently my version of commitment is different then most womens, since last I read 75% of divorce is filed by women.

Oh, for God's sake. Yeah. I broke my commitment, you didn't. Okay... for the record... I don't pass Go, I don't collect my $200, I go straight to jail. You, at the end of your long, justified life, can stand in front of God and ask for a refund. You didn't sign up for any of this. I get that. K? I'm sure God will, too.

I fcked up. So do a lot of people... especially, it seems, by your stats, do women. So... I should turn in my Life Card, give up the game, throw up my hands... quit?

The rest of that crap you are spewing... that bitterness... be careful honey. It'll ruin your complexion, if not your charm.

If marriage is a commitment, why do I have to tend the fences? and why was I lectured on that? *tap tap tap* (rhetorical) SG implied she tends her own fences, but explicitly told me that the affair was "inevitible"...*headscratch* does that mean she has had one, or that she is going to have one at some point? Inquiring minds want to know... I know, I know, the whole sexual fidelity thing is soooo blown out of proportion by us men.

Why do you have to tend fences? Because it's 50% of it is your farm. You sound like a person who gets a puppy and is actually surprised that the puppy needs feeding, watering, walking... and grows up into a dog. It actually needs some attention from you beyond what your own needs of it are. But that wasn't the deal, you say. I just wanted a puppy. Why am I the one who has to take care of it?

Because we are all fallible, and we fck up, and we hurt each other, and we cry. Fine. There is no bending with you. I'm sure you are quite the successful business man. Rs are not a business, no matter how much you'd like for it to be. It'd make it simple for you, certainly. Then you could measure all kinds of things, charts, graphs, ROI. So rail at the God's for making Rs a different game that business. Obviously, that's the one you showed up to play. K.

That is my most favorite conversation in the whole wide world by the way....

the one that starts with the accusation that I am a commitment phobe. snort.

I'm not sure where you are getting that from anything I've said. And really, why would you care if I thought you were one or not anyway?

anyways I tried that once. too much like trying to push a horse from behind. No thanks, I still have the stink of shat on me. Its much more productive to know where I want to go and head there.

Ok.

Sometimes a partner who's terrified of rejection and the uncertainty of new love will choose to end a relationship very early. A person who does this is usually at an insecure time in his or her life or is still hurting from a previous rejecting relationship. By seizing the pivotal role of rejecter, you instantly gain power and relief from rejection anxiety. You also cut off the possibility of finding true intimacy.

-- The Passion Trap

But it sounds like you have it figured out on your end, for your life. I'm glad someone does. I sure as he!! don't.