Long and bumpy road

[Startingover2]

Uggh....Saturday morning and I am alone. Kinda tough as weekends we usually spent together...him watching football and drinking and me trying to find ways to look at his phone. Nice.

No contact at all from him. I wonder what he could possibly be thinking right now? I wonder if he is sad, regretful, happy, relieved...anything? I wonder if he thinks he is doing the right thing?

Yesterday I started putting stuff in the baby's room. Dh had finished painting last weekend and everything we had stored in the living room for her I started putting in her room. A bit sad as this was something I wanted to do with dh. I even brought the big box in from the garage that contained her crib in probably 5 million pieces. I thought between me and my kids we could tackle it. Stupid thing didn't have directions so I had to call this morning and they emailed them to me. Project for this afternoon.

I spoke with MIL yesterday and she is rather supportive...I should say she is supportive about me making boundaries with his drinking, but he is a single man and I cannot stop him from seeing OW. I got pissed and told her no I cant but I can stop him from making this home a revolving door! How am I ever supposed to move on when he comes and goes when he feels like it? She felt as long as he was sober he can see the baby when she is born. So basically she felt that during the week he can come and go and then on the weekends when he drinks he cannot come around. Geez, what a perfect scenario for him...I told her that if he isn't in a program and doing well by the time she is born in March that I will do everything in my power for him to only have limited supervised visits. Oh, MIL also told me I should wait until after the first of the year to do baby's room..that dh would feel left out and sad that he wasn't a part of it and maybe I should give it a few weeks...Im tired of waiting.

Im scared...I have drawn so many lines right now with the drinking and OW that I really am nervous about sticking to them. Knowing dh, he will deep down realize that he probably cannot meet all of my conditions and retaliate with anger and accusations.

Gotta keep so busy today!