Help/Advice

[Wooglint]

B,

I know you are right. The girl thing was more an observation than anything else (I think).

I guess I need patience. I was looking for a resolution to limbo last night. My head is prepared for the worst (moving out) and I guess I thought that if I just need it on my own then I could just get all this over with.

I can't do that to my kids. I just realized how selfish it would be to do that.

[bhopeful]

Woog,

While I've been reading your thread off and on, I'm not completely sure that I remember your entire situation. That being said, I know that if you want to work things out with your W, you need to have lots of patience, let a lot of what she says and does slide off your back (both positive and negative), and be consistent with the positive changes that you are making in your life.

I too have the thoughts of just calling it quits and moving on. The limbo is excruciating for me too. I wish that she would just make up her mind. Since I want her to make up her mind that she'll come back to me, I'll wait it out. Try to look at the limbo as a positive in that she doesn't know what she wants so the door is still open for you. Make the most of it.

B

[Wooglint]

Thanks. I know you are right. It's almost like having hope is more painful than the hurt of D.

[bhopeful]

I know what you mean. It seems like if you just go ahead with the D, then you can deal with the hurt and move on. That's why detachment is so important. You have to learn to detach with love. It's one of the hardest things that I've had to deal with personally. I still struggle with it, but as with most things, it gets easier with time.

[Wooglint]

I think right now I'm detached, but I'm worried that to get there I focused on the "bad" things with the W and marriage. I'm worried about what that's done to the R if she were to decide she'll stay.

[bhopeful]

That's why it's important to detach with love. There is a very distinct difference. Unfortunately I had to take my DR book back to the library and I haven't been able to pick up another copy yet, so I can't give you the reference page. Try to find the section on detaching and read it again. I think that there may be something in there to help you out.

[Wooglint]

Got it. I know it. Just doing it is a bit hard.

The family and I usually go to a ranch in Feb for D's birthday. The W just said she doesn't want me planning anymore family vacations.

That hurt a bit.

[john210]

Woog,
I am a little down myself right now and would love to express myself but I am afraid it would be too negative. Here is to hoping Sunday will be better for both of us.
Hang in there. Weekends are tough. I think our expectations are too high.

[Wooglint]

Freaking blizzard here. Two feet of snow. W is in a really bad mood and it's too freaking cold to hide in the garage.

It's true John, weekends are a challange. I am looking forward to going to work tomorrow.

The family and I are headed to WDW in a week. This could be quite interesting depending on the W.