I"m in agony here...

[bombardier50]

Well, I have to say, this message board thing is awesome. I was a little skeptical at first, but I'm also a little overwhelmed by how much better it feels to "talk" to other people. Here's an update. I talked to my DB coach yesterday (Jodi) and she calmed me down a lot. Bottom line: I've made a lot of progress in the last six weeks, a lot more than I realize, and this is just going to take more time. We both agreed that menopause is probably the issue, and Saffie, you could be my DB counselor because you told me the same thing she did. Funny story: I called my mom and dad because I remember about 20 years ago they went through a real rough spot (hmmm...they were about the same age as I am now...). I told my dad what was going on and that I though it was menopause. He was hilarious. He says: "Son...I got one word for you. Pornography." I almost died laughing. Then it got serious. My dad had an affair, and he said that the thing that hurt the worst is that mom didn't really care. Then mom got on the line and admitted that dad could have probably brought the woman home and she could've cared less. Mom said to please be patient and don't do anything dumb right now.

Chocolateeyes, I hear what you're saying, and hopefully you're wrong. I'm just not the least bit suspicious of an affair. And I'm not up to making any big ultimatums. I've decided I'm just going to have to build on the friendship thing for now, and hope that before too long I can get back into her arms.

Right now, I just want to be able to talk to you guys like I am now, because this morning was f___cking hard. I woke up and remembered how we used to both wake up in bed and start the day by making love, and it's been over a year since a day started like that, and I just cried in my damn pillow...