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Married 14 years, 2 kids 11 and 7. Wife filed divorce Jan 07. Frequent arguemnts over silly stuff and she used to threaten divorce each time. I *always* wanted M to work, go to thearpy, courses, etc. but none of this worked for her. Looks like she had been in an EA for over a year before that and was plotting and planning while I was clueless. She was out to destroy me completely. While my top priority has been to save the marriage I have also tried to stand up for my rights of custody and finances with my lawyer's help, examined my shortcomings, and reached out to her in several ways. She was ordered out of house by the court in June by the efforts of my lawyer. I have been *struggling* a lot emotionally since Jan and financially since Jun - I used to be more of the *saver* but now almost all my paycheck is gone immediately. I have 50% custody of kids. Went to Retrovaille in July - she agreed to come but when there said it was to "make it easy to divorce" and she made a mockery of it. Read DR and had a phone session with a DB coach in July. After 6 months she's still full of hate, blame, guilt, anger.

I haven't been successful at DB'ing - it seems too difficult for me - tried going dark, detaching, etc. though I probably got taken unawares many times and made mistakes in this regard. With the kids and my work there's no time left for "GALing". I still have a sliver of hope because the decree has not happened though its getting very close. Hardly meet or talk with her. Last week she said she was willing to put things on "hold" and meet once a week for 2 months then 5 minutes later when I asked what her intention for doing this was she changed her mind and went back to the blaming, etc.

The hope seems cruel though I can't get rid of it. I'm still on the roller coaster of extreme grief. I would like to get a good handle on how to deal with my feelings and fiances from others who have made it thru' this difficult time. Thanks.