Hey Frank, glad (I think) that you're still on the board. Started reading your story on Friday and have been at it ever since (trying to work, take care of kids, house, etc. but always making some time.)
Your ability to describe your feelings and what was going in your life and mind from the beginning (2 years!!) has made this a very enlightening thread.
While I see many similarities in our stories but saying it's our WAS' affair and behavior is simply too obvious. What I have really connected with is feeling that "she is nuts", the anger, the confusion (and pain) and trying to do the DB thing the "right" way only to find that I keep sabotaging my own efforts. I get better as I go along but there are those damn pitfalls.
Your story, as tragic as it was for you 2 years ago, has been instrumental in me being able to quickly find SOME of the areas within ME that need fixing, to give me the strength to accept that I do not NEED my W and the focus on preserving my integrity for me and for my kids.
Sure you haven't heard it enough - thanks for being so open so that others may learn, or at least relate.
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
Evel Knievel died today at 69 years old. He wasn't my 'hero' per se. To me he was a man who knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to go after it.
While he was never what I would consider a great speaker, he sometimes had some insights into life that we all could benefit from. After all, he did 'live' and at times, it was a challenge.
According to those who are reporting his death, He recently said this:
"For every adversity there is an equivalent seed of benefit," he wrote. "You only have to look for it. Chase your dreams and get up if you fail."
I think that sometimes we forget what it means to be men. I myself don't think that being a man means living on the edge of danger or death. I believe it means being a man who doesn't _fear_ danger or death.
And sometimes, 'danger' means being vulnerable when all your alarms are saying not to be.
'Vulnerable' doesn't mean 'weak'.
To me, it means that you are willing to drop the fake you, when someone else is showing you their true self. Someone who needs you to be stronger than they are at that moment. Sometimes it means knowing when to open your heart, and when to protect it.
In the end, what do you lose if you are open?
But worse, what do you lose if you are closed when someone else is opening, and you miss it? Or you are so closed you refuse to see it?
We all aspire to be strong men. Perhaps we need to keep the 'boy' in check when we find ourselves dealing with 'the world' or an angry woman who want's to break up our relationship.
Maybe, just maybe, there is something much more powerful that we need to be paying attention to?
I believe it's the power of self. Our innate ability to care for ourselves, to do what we need to do to survive. It's beyond living, 'survive' is a primitive emotion. More importantly, it's the power we all have to look at where we are, and find the path to where we desire to be. Sometimes that will be with our spouse, sometimes it won't.
Regardless, it will always be with US. We always are living in our own skin.
Evel Knievel was cool. As a kid, I watched every televised jump he made. He was big stuff back then. My he rest in peace.
Quote:
"For every adversity there is an equivalent seed of benefit," he wrote. "You only have to look for it. Chase your dreams and get up if you fail."
Amen to that. I have personally overcome some pretty major personal challenges just because I never gave up. When I got my ass kicked, dusty, bloody, I always got back up. Dusted off, and kept moving forward. My pride could have convinced me it wasn't worth it, my friends who didn't want me to suffer any more encouraging me to quit, but deep down inside there's a faith that anything is possible to those who are persistent and believe it can happen.
I was least likely to go to college, but I made it through because I wanted to. Not because I was smart, or brave, or whatever, but just because I wanted to.
I've been through enough challenges to know that when you want something bad enough, you don't ever give up no matter how bad it gets. One tiny ray of hope is all that's necessary. A little hope, and a lot of heart. Four years my W and I were separated, four long friggen years. I was told by two different C's, and a priest that basically there was no hope, that it would take a miracle to save my M. Screw them all! I knew there was a chance, albeit a very slight chance to save it, and there was one sure thing. If I wasn't in the game, it would be impossible for me to win.
So I stayed in there, another day, another week, another month, another year. Like a fisherman, I kept changing baits, kept making casts, being vulnerable. I lost many lures in the trees, broke my line many times, but eventually I waited just long enough to catch the prize.
Being vulnerable is not very popular in today's world. It's all about us, what's in it for me, I want it and I want it NOW! Plus our society is a big popularity contest. So, it's not very acceptable to be yourself. We're constantly being pressured to look, act, and speak like the "cool" gang. The nice cars, fancy houses, clothes, etc., it's all shallow, and unfulfilling. Fulfillment comes in knowing we are beautiful just the way God made us. We are not perfect, we make mistakes, hurt the ones we love, etc., but there's no one of us that is perfect. Don't forget the mistakes, but forgive, move on, and never give up.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
