Oh man, that has to be one of the toughest things to endure, my heart really goes out to you on this one, lawless. My question to you is, why do you think she would want to come back? Is it because of her being w/child and feeling vulnerable, is it because she now realizes you're the one she wants to be with, supposed to be with? And why do you think DBing would make the difference?
I actually didn't take her pregnancy all that hard as her absolute craziness had the bridge burnt to cinders, I was at a place where I could see that the past wasn't all that good after all, perhaps I was actually believing the BS she spewed or maybe my blinders had fallen off but I know what I was feeling.
She didn't get a chance to leave I tossed her out like yesterdays trash. I found out about her A and gave her one chance, end it now and I will see if I can get past this I said. She claimed to have ended it and then 2 days later I caught her with OM again. When she came home I gave her 24 hrs to vacate and remove possessions. She moved to a motel with OM and stayed there for 6 weeks while trying to find a place she could afford.
This back story is important because in my pain I didn't see her trying to maintain a connection with me. Looking back I can think of at least 2 occasions that I could have asked her to come home and I believe she would have. I was far from perfect as a DBer, I tried my best but for those 2 occasions didn't see progress on her part at all. My STBXW and your W DNQ are very much birds of a feather, about the only thing I haven't had the experience of is the jail time you had and the restraining order, I did however get a good old fashioned beat down at the hands of my STBXW shortly after I tossed her out as well as her "liberation" of almost 6 figures of our finances which BTW has been spent in 13 months.
So why do I think she would return now?
There are many signs, she is spending a lot more time with her kids, she has reconnected with her parents to an extent and she has been attempting reconnection with me. She is doing a lot of talking to me about her day and what is happening in her life, she is desperate for information on what I am doing with my life. A month or so ago I had a weekend away she called several times concerned that I was OK because the roads were terrible for travel.
I think she is waking up very slowly and beginning to see that all that was gold is actually rust. She is going to be the mother of an infant at almost 40, her OM is 24 and I think she is starting to see that he is going to run fast and far when she gives birth in a month. I see her being a single working parent within 6 months. She will probably be declaring bankruptcy soon as she is flat ass broke. Everything has gone very badly for her but in many ways it has gotten much better for me.
Has she hit the bottom? I don't think she's quite there yet but I am sure she can see it coming up fast. I do think her pregnancy does have a lot to do with it as well as the very positive changes I've made, she's commented on a couple of them recently. Perhaps another big one was the fact that I told her she could never return, this was a response to her claiming "we will never get back together" during one of her venomous spews some 6 or 7 months ago.
I will admit that even though I did a lot of anti DB things in the beginning I wouldn't change the way I did them and I would not hesitate to do them again if god forbid this ever happens again.
