I would have to disagree with you in principle. Being the baddest boy in the bar has a certain appeal (as long as it is perceived, not necessarily demonstrated), and that appeal is protection. Its not about being the baddest. I do not consider myself to be a bad boy. I dont cheat, steal, rape, murder, assult, or indulge in an excess of illegal activity.
When some mongols recently came in and caused problems, I was not the 'baddest boy', guaranteed. Demonstrating always gets visceral and extraordinary amounts of validation. some that perceive the potential, like to test and create situations to verify.
Many women are very attracted to rescue workers and many are attracted to the guy with the money.
I agree with this completely. yet lots of firefighter/lifeguards/EMT's are sex starved. *headscratch*
Yours is a true statement yet I still maintain, desire is not created by giving protection.
Quote:
Men who are sexually succesful are not rescuers/providers.
This is also a true statement. They are not exclusionary.
Desire is not about having. The have's do not respect what they have, they desire what they have not. For example, HAP is horny. Hap has a H who has money. That doesnt make her desire him . I am more fiscally sound then OM or x's current H. That didnt do anything for her emotionally. I was very smug about the fact that I was filling all of Dr. Harleys 'needs' and x still started her affair. It helped soothe the hole in my chest. Not.
They are seeing something, but I dont think most people know what it is or want to acknowledge... I dont want to argue about something we most likely agree on, nor do I want to spell it out, but Stallions dont acquire herds by providing protection. In addition to him doing what it takes to acquire a herd, I dont think the mares feel 'protected' when he is nipping and kicking and pushing them to a new pasture. In fact they get quite testy about it before giving in. Kings dont maintain harems by providing protection -for the sake of the woman. Its not their wealth that gives them choice. They didnt amass their wealth by protecting. Its a by-product of something else. Selfishness is trustable. magnanimity, altruism and philanthropy are not. People are either suspicious of it, or assign some other motive to it. We've seen that play out here.
My first thoughts were "It sounds like it was written from a 'Nice guy' point of view" :-)
funny. Thank you. I try. Personally, I dont think that is a bad thing to be. I find its pretty easy to trod over people in many differant aspects. I dont respect it or find it morraly acceptable. I like to give choice as well. No. I take that back. I love giving choice. Its the pysch healthy way to treat OP. I dont know about succesful, but succes is all perception.
I say it from my experience, and observation. during my sexually abundant marriage, I didnt play provider. She carried her own weight. When she didnt-- I didnt pick up her slack. I mentioned playing rescue the damsel with my first fiancee. I learned. That dynamic (rescuer) was not part of our R or she would never have made into my house. (frankly I still marvel about how she pulled that off.) didnt do it again till x's affair. wont ever fall for it again.
However I can also see how x was subject to feeling 'undesired' in our R or at least confabulated herself into thinking that.
Do you remember when cobra talked about taking the right sort of girl home to mama? I couldnt relate at all. I have taken all sorts of women around my mother, she hasnt ever said anything derogatory about them. She does like to warn them about me, 'You know he is not serious' 'dont listen to him, he is just being mean' or berate me in front of them. 'Would you be nice to her'....
Ive also been recently thinking about the differance between men who act needy (and idgit women) and men who actually need a woman ( and you couldnt pry her away from .. no matter how bad he treats her)
I dont need a woman, (this is even more true then when I first met x) and they act very skittish. When I first got cuckolded and divorced and felt like I really did need someone the attention I received was significantly differant in its nature.
Well that meandered.
I have no argument with the fact Women NEED protection. None. My argument is --Giving protection does not cause sexual desire. It is not the underlying behavior that causes sexual desire.
Its no small calculation that goes on when a woman factors her decision between protection and desire.
Id like to ask SG about her scientific testing of her H and their first date.
p.s. kett women are not socialized into wanting alpha males. Its not a choice or learned behavior. the ones who are hesitant, are simply hesitant in their ability to hold them or smart enough to know its not their job. I enjoyed the rest of your post though. very much.
