I agree that women don't seem to come back, and that played into my decision to D my XW. In fact, I seem to come across stories and anecdotes of more women than men running off to MLC-land.
My situation happened very fast. While quick, it was a thoughtful decision (on my part). After X dropped bomb, ILBNILWY, and said she wanted to see where this new relationship would take her, that she had FEELINGS for the OP who lives 300 miles away, and there was nothing I could do about that. She was moving out. Period.
I was devastated. She felt guilty about dumping me(but not guilty enough to stay and work on the marriage as at the same time she was in a manic state with the OP).
The DB material says not to issue ultimatums. I knew the risk, and gave her the choice to end the R with the OP and work on the M. If she moved out, then the M was over and we could split the assets (and I wanted to be the primary custodian).
She agreed.
I expected her to fight for custody. She didn't.
I let her go. She has the kids every other week, though it's considered "Visitation." She lives alone, and visits OP during the weeks I have the kids.
I figured if she's willing to sign her kids away (harsh terminology, I know) then I'll let her. At the time I was hoping (praying) she would have second thoughts and want to stop the process.
I really didn't want the D, but the night before we went to court I read our agreemement.
I had custody of my girls...without a fight.
This entire ordeal was stupid, but I had to do it. I've know real life stories of custodial parents who moves away, etc, and I couldn't risk it.
It was heartbreaking and I know of very few marriages that end that quick (moved out 7/15/06; D papers filed 8/1/06; D final 10/4/06).
I would do it again.
I severed financial ties with her, which has helped protect myself from financial ruin, the emotional rollercoaster and my my kids future.
Divorcing felt empowering during a time when I had no power. We have a young daughter and felt that since I will be part of daughter's life, then there is the posibility that X will be, too. If in the future there is a chance of reconcilliation, then so be it.
I firmly believe the distance and financial stress will break her addiction to the OP over time. I'm guessing 36 months, and we're 18 months into it, but who really knows?
I do not activly DB her -- but I do work on myself, try to be an active father to my children and am developing more hobbies that I enjoy.
Once her R with the OP ends, I don't expect her to come back.
I don't subscribe to the LBS who passively waits for the D to happen.
