Still Dancin'

[Just_Me]

I don't blame her for leaving me. Hell, I think it was the right thing to do (and I think I would've done it too if I were in her shoes).

When I look back at my own situation, my wife leaving me (jury is still out on necessity of actually divorcing me) is one of the best things that has occurred to me, in a way. I still fall back on old habits and give her cause to wonder if I've done any changing. I still spout off my mouth without thinking. And I still have times I worry of being hurt again. But overall I think I see things better now. I realize the times that I'm being self-centered and not thinking about her needs or showing my wife that I love her. I am quicker to see when I'm wrong, even if it sometimes still takes me an hour or two...at least it isn't days and days or never. I think about things like love languages, listening, and validation that weren't part of my lexicon before. I actually finding myself recognizing the few times my wife will say, "that shirt doesn't go with those pants" or something as a venusian way of saying ILY.

It's obvious you have all the tools. You've done all the homework. You write to others and point out to them how they can see things from their spouses perspective. You'll get a great relationship some day and make a great partner.

Now that the flattery is out of the way I'll tell you the main point of this post. Don't be so skeptical or hardnosed about the hoops that need jumping through for reconciliation. If the day comes that she ever wants back....don't be quick to smack her down because you haven't seen the changes you want. When my XW asked about trying again, I was pretty skeptical. Actually, I figured she would retract it. She worked through her stuff for a while. Then, together, and individually she worked on herself, while we were together. Actually, of the two of us, she's the better DBer and has changed more from the old wife than I changed from the old husband. I feel like a slacker when I consider that. So, at least hear her out.