She always complains that I "dont respect her, as an intelligent, rational person".
She wants you to listen. Just...listen. No arguing back.
I am very happy to listen to her. Trouble is, seems like she wants me to agree, without question or alteration, to whatever it is she's trying to get me to do at the time. I can listen all I want, quietly... and then I'm expected to agree with what she wants to do. Any attempt to discuss, or debate "that doesnt make sense to me, what about...?", is met with complaints that I'm "not treating her as an intelligent rational person". (or, she just shuts down communication entirely with an angry outburst.)
Either she "wins", or I'm "treating her as mentally inferior". There is no equal weight given to both our opinions. Hers is always better (while at the same time, accusing me that I think i'm always right)
Quote:
Quote:
she usually metaphorically sticks her fingers in her ears, to my reply of, "you have a great mind; you just choose to deliberately not apply it sometimes". (emphasis mine)
Sounds like, to me, you are telling her that you don't respect her thoughts and feelings.
If she told me that she wanted something based on her feelings... i could understand that. I could even respect that.
The thing is, there are situations where it seems she makes a decision, or wants something, solely based on an emotional "this is what I want" basis... while claiming "this is the logical" thing to do. yet any attempts at having an actual logical point-for-point discussion on the matter, is met with refusal to debate.
I know that she is intelligent. I know this, because when I raise a point that she has an answer for, she calmly and rationally talks it out. However, she is also smart enough to figure out when I raise a valid point to which she does not have an answer for, before I even completely describe it..and then often REFUSES to let me finish describing the relevant point! She diverts, distracts, or otherwise shuts down the conversation at this point. Anything to avoid her "being wrong", seems like. She's all for logical argument... until she sees that logic points against what she wants to do, and then she shuts down further logical discussion.
Does my quote about her seem more accurate now? How would you suggest I deal with that?
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
