Yoyo, Thank you for the kind words. From what I have learned about you on these boards over these many months it means a lot. Your comment about me coming out on top is something that I have thought about. I know that in the end I will be fine and I will continue to do whatever I can to pour into my precious girls as much as I possibly can. If that is me winning then great....But that would have happened without this sitch. In all honest I really don't think anybody wins in D. It is a selfish, senseless act that hurts way to many of those that we love....what am I trying to say..... I guess nobody really wins or loses. But it seems that way since there is one that stands with morals, integrity and grows from the experience. All the while the other is only looking to run, maybe even fooling themselves into thinking that they are growing as a person. For me I just pray that my girls don't get hurt.
NCB, Thanks for your support and encouragement. To be honest it has been hard for me over the last few months to keep my focus on God. I know in my heart that he is faithful and will never give me more then I can handle. But, I have found myself to be a little angry...perhaps sour towards him. There is so much hurt and pain out there that I sit and wonder why. Not that this is the first time that I have had these thoughts/questions.... But like I said that is where I am at. Thanks for the reminder.
LWB, I would agree that she is still a bit angry. I really don't know if she is going to crash from this or not. She is heading for the hills as fast as she can and doing everything in her mind to justify all of this. I agree that she might crash someday... But I think that it will be to late by then. Since I have known my W she has always jumped around doing various things trying to make herself happy or find her calling. Well, she was never happy she always either quit or tried changing something. I guess maybe she will never truly be happy and content. She will be for a period of time and then she gets restless. The question now is when will she become restless? That I am afraid is when she will realize that our D was senseless....it might be to late at that point.
TAL, I here what your saying about what goes around comes around....Most people that know my W think that God in whatever way will have his way with her to get her to wake up. I always cringe when I hear that because of my DD's. How do they get affected. This D is already more then they should be handling at their age's...let alone something else.
B_I43, Thanks for the hug....there are many days that a simple hug would go along way.
FIB, I have been following along your threads and am aware of the current state of things in your world. I am sorry that it has come down to what it has. I know that it was not an easy decision for you. You have been through a lot. You are good man...You have seen the pain in your kids eyes and endured a lifetime of pain yourself. I will not say that you should have done this or that....I know that you did not take the decision lightly.... FIB, keep being the ROCK for your kids and help lead them through this time. No matter what you will always be Dad and your W Mom. Don't make them choose between the two of you. Keep being the man that you are and hold onto your NUTS. Your kids will love you and respect you for it. FIB, as they grow they will learn how truly awesome of a Dad that they have and will love you more and more...
Journaling: I had my DD's on TG and the weekend. It was a good time. We went to my parents house and then later to my cousins. My girls had a great day and that is all that matters. I also signed my girls up for gymnastics. They start next Thursday and go once a week. I don't know if they will like it, but, I have feeling that they will. It is going to cost me a small fortune if they take to it, but they are worth it.
Sunday, my W called my while she was at work to talk D. It was a pleasant convo and then at the end she tells me that she forgives me for not noticing her the way that she needed to be noticed all these years and that she is done. I just said thanks and hung up the phone. Fast forward one day, she asks me when am I going to forgive and release her.. I told what else does she want from me. I would have gone to my grave trying to give you what you needed. I gave up my dream to start a family with you. What else do you want?... Not much was said after that. The crazy thing is that I still love her. I have a hard time looking her in the eye now because I don't want to love her anymore. It is clear that this D is going through...I just want to be able to move on.... I know that will take time, but, looking at her hurts. I still find her beautiful and just want us to connect again.
I have more to write which I will do later tonight. Got to go...
