Thanks for checking up on me. Sue! It was so good to hear from you. I've thought of you often.
Well, H went out looking for apartments today. We talked on the phone for about an hour and he yelled and screamed about how everything always comes back on him and is always his fault.
I finally told him how I fight with hating him, and that he shows no remorse for anything he's done and that is why everyone seems to hate him and blame him for it all.
I don't know what else we said, it went on for so long, but he finally said he'd never drink at home again, he'd be nicer to me (fake it, he said), pretend to be happy here and we'd just do the best we could. I told him I wanted us to save our family, commit to each other to fix things eventually, no lies, cheating, hurting the kids any more, etc.
He said he'd promise to support me financially, and fake it in front of the kids. He didn't love me anymore. Then he made a comment about today being a good day to start wasting the rest of your life.
I said, No Thanks. Go secure you an apartment and move on. the last thing I want to do is be the cause of you wasting the rest of your life. Go out there and find what you're looking for.
He said no and I said really, just do it. If I mean so little to you that being with me is "wasting the rest of your life" then you don't need to be here and I don't want you here.
He says the most hurtful things to me, intentionally, I'm sure. I cried, but I am ok now. The kids are here for the weekend and we're going to build a gingerbread house and decorate the apartment some.
I sure hope others are having a better day than me.
Hugs and mistletoe, Sun
"Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver
