Back to Trust, many..most? all? reasonably clued in marriage counselors recommend not trusting your Spouse.
Really? Wow. Well... I've only been to one shrink, and he definitely advocates trust in Ms.
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Respect is earned. Giving it to someone because of your attraction for them is pretty dishonest to them and yourself. MO as a man.
I agree with this. I suppose that is where congruency comes into play. But if you never speak truth, I guess you don't have to worry about your actions being congruent. You simply monitor action. If we were any animal other than human, that would work for me. But the thing with humans is, we can monitor ourselves, contemplate ourselves and our own actions. We can change.
You know, during my M at the height of our sex arguments, my xH said, according to our marriage vows, I should have sex with him whenever he wanted it. I said I did not make any promise, implied or otherwise, to have sex with him. Never recalled ever, ever hearing the world 'sex' in any marriage vow.
My actions then, were congruent with my above statement.
But. I did vow to respect and cherish him. And you know, that never ONCE came up in any of our arguments... because it was always about SEX. We argued, for years, about the wrong thing. It was no wonder we couldn't solve our problem.
Serious lack of honesty going on there, I'd say. Respect was no where in sight, and cherish? Ugh. Please.
And you are right. I didn't trust my spouse. I didn't respect him. I didn't cherish him. Honest? Why would I be honest and make myself vulnerable to someone I don't trust, respect or cherish?
It went both ways.
And we are now D. Shrug. Not sure your theory holds any more water than my own. Just my opinion. As a woman.
