I've spent the last 3 days takingcare of my poor sick 2 1/2 year old. She's had a high fever and is overall feeling crappy. She's been up a lot at night so between her and my newborn S, I'm not getting much sleep.
H popped by last night for a whopping 45 minutes to see D before he went to play hockey. He played with her while I made her some dinner. Geez...thanks for the help superdad. He told EVERYONE a a couple months ago when the bomb first hit that "He was going to do whatever he could to be there for ME and the kids"...he's obviously not living up to this. Good news is others are starting to notice and are now forming their own opinions.
I think I better go try to have a nap with S before D wakes up from hers! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
Way to take the high road in all of this. It may not be the easiest road to travel, but the destination at the end of it is so much more rewarding. Peace, B
PS Thanks for all of your thoughts on my thread. I really appreciate it.
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
I snapped at H a little tonight. I've already mentioned that he's been making these little comments here and there about my parenting choices (about little things usually) that are subtle but obvious (is that an oxymoron??). Anyway he did it again tonight and after 3 days with a sick kid and a newborn I wasn't in the mood to take it!
He asked how S was sleeping and told much better last night after I tried something new. I put his infant carrier (car seat) into his crib and let him sleep in it. Worked like a charm and he actually got almost 5 hours sleep IN A ROW! (I wish I could say I got 5 hrs sleep but D was up a lot through the night with her fever.) S had been sleeping in the bed with me and was sleeping really well, but I wanted to get him in his crib so I could get a better nights sleep. I've been trying to swaddle him and put him in his crib but he'll only sleep laying flat that way for a couple hours at most. Our D was not like this at all...she slept flat and in her crib from the beginning no problem.
Since H hasn't been here one single night since S was born, he thinks everything should be the same as with her. So he asked why I put the carrier in the crib I said because he won't sleep for long flat...he says "that's because you always had him propped up on a pillow in bed with you". I said, the reason he was propped on a pillow is because he wouldn't sleep flat! Kind of a chicken before the egg thing...but who the hell does he think he is passing judgement on something he isn't even here to experience??? So I said to him in an angry but calm voice as D was there "Is there fault in everything I do???". He looked at me with that sarcastic face and just said..."Yeah". What an A$$&*^E!! He was civil after that I didn't sense any anger which was kind of weird. We even had a couple smiles over somethings our D said. I'm thinking it was a good thing that I said something. I totally dropped it immediately which is not like my former self...I've realized that harping never got us anywhere and letting it go usually gives him the opportunity to reflect on himself. I'm just not sure if the alien he's turned into is capable of taking an honest look within himself at the moment. I think that standing up for myself this way may be the 180 I need!
Love the new thread title, Jenny. I had to stop in and say that. You also seem to be living up to that title.
My S2 is sick too. It is impossible to sleep. I will be sending you good vibes.
I, personally, am a big proponent of co-sleeping. Both my little ones sleep with me. Don't feel pressured to use that crib if S doesn't like it. You know we are the only mammals on the planet that don't sleep with our babies?
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Thanks Neph....I thought I'd toot my own horn a little with the "SuperMom" thing! Hope your S is feeling better...good vibes right backatchya! I didn't mind sleeping with S in the bed, but I found I wasn't sleeping as soundly because I'm always worried about him rolling over or me rolling over on him. He slept really well in the carrier again last night. I have naps with him during the day so we get our snuggle time!
I'm not sure if my little 'snap' at H last night made a difference...but he seems to be acting different today. His anger has been subsiding a bit this week as I've mentioned.
This morning he came to pick up D to take her for the day. But unforunately she still has the fever and isn't well(he was going to take her to his Mom's for the day). She told him she didn't want to go. So he hung out here and just let her snuggle up on the couch for the morning in her jammies. He even brought me a coffee. AND he talked a little about his work. That hasn't happened in over a month. AND that is one of my 'small signs' that I said I would be looking for as a change in him. I spoke back to him about it and asked a couple questions but didn't push.
D went down for a nap here instead of going to Grandmas and he's still hanging out here holding our S. I told him if he wants to stay here with D today I'll go out. I think that is still up in the air.
I could have stayed downstairs and watched TV with him, but I made myself a salad and came up to the computer. I'm getting good at this detaching thing!!
It's nice to be around him without the anger at least. I can take this for a while.
Who knows what it all means if anything, but it's certainly better than it has been. "Think Small" right?? J~
Wow Jenny. This sounds like a big change compared to your posts earlier in this week. Did he act angry with you at all today? Time for a little self reflection. Did you do anything different today that might have brought about these changes in your H? If so, remember them and try them again. Read the section on Experimenting and monitoring results again.
I would definitely say that today was a positive for you. It sounds like he spent quite a bit of time there today. How has the rest of your day been? Good I hope. B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
B...before I answer your questions I'll recap what happened when went downstairs AFTER I wrote this last post.
He was all cold again. Not angry, just not looking at me. I decided to go out with S and let H spend his day with D here at the house. He barely said a word to me before I left and when I said see ya...he said nothing. He's hot and cold! Of course this is all textbook midlife crisis stuff (in his case 'early transitional life crisis)...it amazes me how textbook his behaviour is.
Anyway, I called around 4 to see how she was after her nap and found out that she woke up from her nap and had a "great big yucky tummy notso solid poop" in her bed. And I hadn't put a diaper on her before her nap (she's just about fully potty trained). I only give the gorry details because I just find such comfort in knowing that he had to clean it up!!! I've spent the last 3 days doing this along with the baby in tow and it was nice to know he had to deal with the s%*t too!! Of course he wasn't impressed with me because I was the one that didn't put the diaper on her...oh well!
Ok...now back to your questions....
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Did he act angry with you at all today?
Not really. As I said he got quiet with me before I left but I wouldn't say he got angry. Not anything like what he has been.
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Did you do anything different today that might have brought about these changes in your H?
The only thing I can think of is that I made that snap at him last night where I got a bit angry at him. I mentioned this before but often in the past he would tend to soften up when I get angry with him. Not sure if that is what this is it or not. What I have to keep in mind though is that I have to only get angry when I have a good reason to and not as a reaction to him when he's trying to pick a fight...otherwise it won't have the same affect. It's such a silly game...but I'm learning how to play it.
I'm sure the DB'ing has something to do with it...but I can't help but get this feeling that he is teetering on the edge of his 'identity crisis' and he's having moments where the old him comes back. I just have to ensure that things are as comfortable as possible when he's in this mode so it reminds him that he likes being that guy!
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How has the rest of your day been? Good I hope.
I went out w/ S this afternoon and then went to my best friends for the rest of the day and dinner. Then I came back around 7 and H left right away.
I felt like it was a good day. A couple positives, but best of all I GAL. I've been stuck in the house for 3 days with a sick D so it was good to get out to the land of the living again! J~
Mine just spent three weeks trying to overcome a nasty ear infection. 