Woog, I think we are on to something with this out of town stuff versus when we are home. There is a huge difference in attitude. I asked the WAW about it and her response was when we are apart she thinks back to the beginning of our relationship...I don't buy it. There has to be something else. Without sounding overly confident, both our WAWs are far from being sure that they want us out of their lives. it's too bad that neither of us (well let me take that back and only talk about me) it's too bad I don't have the ----s to call he bluff. My stepdaughter said the same thing to me this A.M. not the ----s part. She said that if her mother wanted this thing to end, it would have been done a while ago....My stepdaughter added that in her opinion she is afraid to loose everything WE have. We'll see if sh is right and if anta brings us renewed optimism for the future!
Woog, I think we are on to something with this out of town stuff versus when we are home. There is a huge difference in attitude. I asked the WAW about it and her response was when we are apart she thinks back to the beginning of our relationship...I don't buy it. There has to be something else. Without sounding overly confident, both our WAWs are far from being sure that they want us out of their lives. it's too bad that neither of us (well let me take that back and only talk about me) it's too bad I don't have the ----s to call he bluff. My stepdaughter said the same thing to me this A.M. not the ----s part. She said that if her mother wanted this thing to end, it would have been done a while ago....My stepdaughter added that in her opinion she is afraid to loose everything WE have. We'll see if sh is right and if anta brings us renewed optimism for the future!
john, i am in same situation as woog and you. it has been 9 weeks of living in limbo . if she was so positive about her decision she would have pushed put finish the divorce papers and get the house ready to put on the market. neither one has been done. she is so cdonfused, part of me thinks she just said she wanted a divorce just to get my reaction. i am amazed i have anymore hair on my head i have scratched it so much.patience for all of us.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
I find it very comforting finding threads with very similar sitchs to myself. My soon to WAW after the holidays is still under the same roof. As I do my 180 routine and GAL I find ourselves drifting apart (and she has acknowledged it). If you go too dark, do you risk drifting too far?
ca rollercoaster, i find my self in that very situation. wife told me last night that she did not think i cared how late she stayed out, because i usually just tell her to have a good time. so in my case, on the surface at least , i may have pushed her further away. my w also said she was going to move out after holidays are over. but we need to remember that the life of a waw is totally confused, and what they say is not necessarily the truth.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
CA, I don't know about the too dark question. I don't think you can go too dark while living under the same roof. Maybe if we were physically seperated. Although it depends on what your relationship was like prior to the "bomb". Were you guys very communicative? Was that one of your WAWs' complaints? I have been reading DR and something I reread today hit a nerve. In my situation, my WAW complained that I was not "strong enough". She needed someone who is more assertive believe it or not. She wants to be put in her place once in a while. All this time I thought I was too controlling. Then again the book also says believe only have of ......There lies the major problem. Which half do you believe? But I digress. I read my WAW the riot act last Sunday and since then, things have gotten better. You see for me, that is a 180 and perhaps WAW needed a little wakeup call regarding what life would be like should we continue on this path. Then again, I don't see myself replaying that scenario purposely because it is simply not me. I do not like confrontation. I tend to close up when things get tense (you know the silent treatment). The section that hit me in the book is the section regarding 180s. Well even though i broke all the DB rules, I did a 180 by putting my foot down and telling it like it is. Only time will tell...i am hopefull that the holidays will bring us closer to where we were and not further apart.
I too am confused with this issue as well. My wife tells me she wants space but when I'm out of town I get an ILY and miss you. When I'm back, she disappears to the other side of the house.
When I work late I don't call because she wants space and I get a "how rude" comment.
It is hard to go dark living in the same house, but I am trying. If only for my own sanity. I figure if she wants me she knows where to find me.
john210, my issue was not necessarily that we weren't communicative. my W thought she told me enough times that she needed more affection. that conversation would come up every 4 months or so. i would, to my fault fix things for a few weeks and then the regular routine would take over. dicovered the root of the problem. although i heard her words, it didn't sink in to my heart because at the same time, she would always talk about our target date of having childred. being a task oriented guy, i think things are at least going well.
so anyway, as i go dark i often feel like the last bits that attach us are disapearing and it makes it that much easier for her to detach. on the other hand i start feeling the same and maybe that is for the best for my head?
Interesting night. I went out for beers with some friends from work. I don't do it often because I've always valued the family time over "the boys". However, I needed it last night.
Well, according to my buddies, a woman at the bar was hitting on me. Strange that I don't even notice those things any more. I think maybe I should pay more attention.
After a few beers (two or so), I headed home. I don't know if it was the beers or what, but I was ready to tell the W that I am moving out because I don't like the person she has become. I wasn't angry at all. Very calm, serene almost.
Then I get home and the W is already in bed asleep. So, I just read on the couch for awhile and went to bed. This morning the W was friendly then normal. A little more touchy feely than lately.
I think that you should use the 48 hour rule here. Don't do anything that you might regret without thinking it thoroughly through. A couple beers and a girl that might have been hitting on you doesn't seem like it was the best time to be making life changing decisions...
Just my $.02 B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
