CVA - Moving On

[Not Much Left]

Sounds like what everyone gets confused about is leaving the door open for reconciliation and does that imply you are still in love with that person or just knowing feelings can change OR that you would still do anything to get your spouse back.

In my case, have resolved myself to the idea we are getting divorced, if anything happens otherwise it will definitely be a suprise to me. SO, if that is true, I am going to be setting up my life to be without my W. Very hard to do without a proper place to live and as you all know, that is a hunt I have been struggling with.

WOuld I still want to reconcile, for many reasons yes. Would I want it to be the same, of course not, it would not work, we would (I would) be back here again in a year or two. Bleh. I dont want that, who would?

I can see now that it takes time to heal, whatever that means. It is just this sense of peace one has to have to move on without "too much" anomosity toward the WAS. In my mind, you are fooling yourself if you think you can walk away too and be fine with everything...that is stuffing your feelings. THis stuff is too painful to just one day wake up and go, "oh, I'm good with it, I'm good with seeing my spouse with someone else, dating, getting married, having my kids rasied by someone I dont know that could damage them"....toooooo much not to still have strong feelings about.

So having said all that, my personal timeline is to get this darn house thing done, keep myself busy with that and work and kids, COMPLETELY detach from W to the extent I can given the factors above, and not waste what could be the rest of my life.

I will go out with women to the extent I meet them naturally, not at bars or whatever but kinda of like I did with WC, if it works out great, if it doesnt and starts feeling wrong on either side, try and be mature enough to break things off early enough where pain is minimized on both sides. What a perfect scenario eh? I am sure it wont go all like that, but at least its a plan. I am good at planning and really have failed at it for the last 9 months.

So, pick er up CVA dust myself off and start the process.

Now if one of you hot women would just come to Texas and help me kick off a "random" meeting, that would help

C