A question for the ladies

[fearless]

Back to the original question:

If you could be completely loved by a man, but sexual desire was absent, would that be an acceptable state of relational existence for you?

-NOPkins-

I am late but I thought I would throw my opinion in here. I have a few relationships with men where they have no sexual desire for me but since they are family and friends I know that does not count.

So to be clear in how I "hear" the question - would being in a marriage or romantic relationship where sexual desire for me was completely absent be an acceptable state of marital or romantic existence? Absolutely not.

Let me now modify the question slightly for the ladies.

Which is more important to you, a) being loved or b) being sexually desired.

Thanks for participating.

-NOPkins-

For me this is like asking what is more important to you a) having eyesight or b) having hearing? Thought provoking and creates interesting conversation and yet I would never want to be in a position to actually have to choose which is most important.

For me love and sexual desire are equal parts of a good marriage. So being sexually desired is more about the fact that married couples should feel sexual toward each other and not because I need validation of how I look or how my partner feels about me.

Also for me since I was definitely attracted to Raven a lot during our initial courtship ( ) I feel that it is as much my responsibility as his to keep myself attracted to him in the long term. I consistently look to all his great qualities and remind him and myself as often as I can of WHY I find him so incredibly attractive. When I look at him or think about him, I focus on his best qualities. I remind myself of what I love about him and what I find attractive about him. I don't focus on his faults (which are very few ). I know I don't like when people focus on mine!! (To be clear I don't mean ignoring faults or issues and not dealing with them; I just mean that I don't dwell on them or make them larger than life)

While I do not believe that I could will myself into finding any man attractive, I do believe it is possible to maintain and build your attraction for your partner (assuming it was there at some point) as it is possible to eliminate the attraction. I think it really depends on where you focus your energy and thoughts.


P.S. Hi IC and Go Bucks!!!




ETA: I still occasionally see my XH and I do not feel any sexual attraction to him. There's nothing "wrong" with him; I just feel like I turned off the idea of looking at him in "that" way. If that makes ANY sense at all...