WAW says "I'm filing for D", but no papers

[SirPrizeMe]

One more thing on the FIL chat -
When I talk to him (if I talk to him), I have to assume there is a direct line from my mouth to my wife's ears.

She does not know, probably, that I have a copy of this sheet of questions about how abusive her husband has been. She is likely to view it as another invasion of her privacy. I picked it right off the desk, I swear. Plain view. (although I had previously looked at her email to boyfriend).

I am leaning toward, don't have this chat with FIL. I am looking for a way for her to save face, and enter counseling with me. I think she is sticken with unacknowledged guilt, and this is what is causing her to demonize me and push away.

At some point we have to confront the whole truth of the matter. But maybe not right now. If I have to admit to abuse to get her into the counseling room, should I do it? So far I have said, "I'm sorry it felt that way, I regret that things worked out that way, I would like to talk this over in a safe environment, with a counselor." She's decliend.

Let me re-iterate - I believe I have a responsibility in where we are. I am not saying "our situation is all her fault". It's a shared responsibility, but my goal is to get her to agree to share the load with me.

If I show this list to her father, this is not likely to get her into the counseling room with me. So that's why I think I won't do it.

So, I want to switch the question I asked. Now it is not "should I have a chat with FIL?" because I think the answer is No. (Your input on that is appreciated.) But now the more interesting question is, to what extent, beyond what I have described above ("I regret that it was that way for you, etc"), should I admit to the alleged abuse? will it help to get her to agree to counseling?

Remember papers are filed, and I do not wish to endanger my custody rights.

My posts are never as short as I think they will be. . .

bye!