oh , it died, after we made our "peace" we we'd only b friends, we had one more chat and then he never logged on again, I'm guessing he decided to stop because we still had some sort of connection, and that he really wanted to stay true to his girl. I guess it is for the best, I do miss chatting w/him, but yes, even our "friendly" chat was like a little addiction for me, so, maybe it is a good thing.
Well, we had a mini talk, too long to describe what's happened, but in a nutshell, H has been trying "not to think" about out sitch, how's that for a kick in the teeth? because, he says, he still doesnt' have any of those feelings and that the suggestions teh C gave him are more like forcing him he said, to do somethign he doesn't feel or is ready for. That he still was angry at the way the C "attacked" him (not true) and pushed and answer out of him *sigh*........... Anyways, he says he isnt' confortable with C any more, so we'll b seeing a new one, i'm waiting for a phone call from the center he goes to for IC, there is an Imago C there, so we'll go there, hopefully next week. His wonderful C is being of no help, he admits that it was mostly silence what went on at his last appt, that she didnt' think he was depressed and that he needs sleep, to go sleep early was her solution... really Sherlock? how about addressing WHY he can't sleep, his anxiety and bad self image. If he isnt' depressed, then the apathy I was chalking up to depression seems even worse now that supposedly isnt' depression itself. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Anyways, he'll b seeing another T soon for IC, so I pray pray she/he is a good one.
Our anniversary is coming, he actually brought it up, saying how we only had 2 wks to plan it. I told him to come up w/something (which he hates to do), and (not to be a smart @ss) asked him he didnt' have to do anythign if he didn't want to. He sighed, got sarcastic and said "oh great", askign me if I didn't want to do anything then. The point is, I dont' want him to humor me and do it just because he "has" to as he put it, I asked him today if it 'd b pointless if it didnt' mean anything to him because of the ways things are between us, he told me I was being sarcastic.
Bleah, we are planning something, not the 10th anniversary I had planned originally months ago, but something small, dont' know if I'll enjoy it for real or not.
There, my whine for the week, peace to all.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
