A Happy Thread

[faithisbelieving]

Jeff....I apologize for being AWOL here. As you know, my sitch hit a critical point. I am just catching up here.

First off, a belated happy birthday. My mom is 84 years old, walks 2-3 miles at Jones Beach every few days and I could not picture life without her in it. Your Mom hit 90 with your support. In the last few months you participated in her health management by making some difficult decisions with regards to her health care. You've done well Jeff. Can you see a loving son here?

Then...I was upset by some of your self-bashing last week. I know BBA has a way of putting our, uh, cajones in a vice sometimes, but, it is usually well-placed. The timing might have been a day off, but her insight is incredible. Go back and read her post the next time you get those feelings. Now, as a little 'tushy-smacking' from me, let's go back to our old buddy David Cunningham:

Dear Loser,

> As of today, you have been on my mailing list for 22 days. On 17 of those 22 days, you have e-mailed me stating that nothing I've recommended could possibly work, yet asking me for a free copy of my book. Listen up, because this is the last free advice or other favor I'm going to waste my time giving you:
> You're attitude isn't that of an achiever, or even a
> skeptic or a pessimist; it's truly that of a loser. You're
> insecure about being unattractive because of your increasing age, weight, and hair-loss, and rather than taking the achiever's path of looking for a solution, you're taking the coward's path of looking for confirmation that you're hopeless and therefore can't be expected to do any better so you won't
> have to try.
>
> I'm not going to apologize for being blunt about this, because the 17 letters I've already sent you to try to help you
> see, among other things, that I am middle-aged, overweight, and
> losing my hair have produced nothing but frustration for either of us - for me, because you don't want to improve, and for you, because I won't be your enabler and confirm for you that any effort you might make would be wasted.
>
> I however, will waste no more effort with you; I've spent more than a full work-day trying to help you see that you can be
> attractive to your wife and everyone else, and you refuse to even try to listen, let alone try to do anything to make it happen. I have removed you from my mailing list, and ask that you don't reinsert your name unless and until you decide that you want some help being more than what you are instead of
> confirmation that "not good enough is good enough."
>
> In short, your fired, and if you don't get off your
> butt and realize that you can make a change and can lead a productive and happy life by doing nothing more than changing your attitude and doing what comes natural afterwards, your wife and employer will likely be considering the same action. My list of readers is for achievers, heroes, and winners, not cowards, whiners, or losers.
>
> Sincerely,
> David Cunningham

Jeff....I know you. You are neither of the above. You are entitled to have those moments of being down. Don't bash yourself anymore. Don't just look at the words that are typewritten above...look at the intent and message.

Next..and most difficult. I know that there oftimes appear to be some 'clashing' here and you know where I am going next. Most people know from my thread that Jeff and frank_d are huge supporters for me. I can honestly post here that frank_d SINCERELY CARES FOR JEFF. I know...I have spoken with both on the phone. Perhaps the stick appeared to have the bark on it at times, but I know that all his posts were meant from the heart.

Jeff...I know where you are right now. I know. I can say similarly as you have spoken with regards to me. I have listened to you. But...I do want to confirm that I think frank_d's observations are true. I think that XXX approaches you when, in your own words, you have dealt with her fairly and firmly and without anger. There is one thing that you and I cannot change Jeff. We will always be tied to our wives. We will be there when our children get confirmed...graduate....and married. I think it behooves us to get to that place that, perhaps, we'd even share a dance with them. No Jeff...you and I aren't there yet, but, should we, when ready, work to get to that place?
Should you have laughed and talked with XXX when she called the other day?
Should you have asked her what her biz plans were?
Should you have asked her what kind of restaurants were in the area?
Last week Jeff, even as I knew my M had reached a very bad point, frank_d asked me, "what women would want to be around you with the way you were acting?". He was right...who would? Even if we weren't going to make it...why be the way I was?

Doom, gloom, laziness, and cowardice are insidious foes that can slowly creep into the lives of the best of people when they are having a weak moment, and slowly erode their self-esteem until
there is nothing left of them. It can happen so slowly that you never see it happen

Jeff, you have shown such strength in the last two years of your life. If XXX is making some movements towards you, I would embrace them as a future of good coparenting. Although I understand that, right now, the chance of reconciliation with her is near nil, Dr. Gray says that it usually can never really occur until one let's go completely and forgives. Look at me..what do I do if the same happens to my W in the next two weeks???

Finally Jeff, if you are not ready to date, then so be it. You told me that you spend a lot of time reading now. Stay with it. The risk for making a mistake again are high until you spend some time alone and embrace YOURSELF. For those who haven't spoken with him, I can say that Jeff has a strong commanding tone of voice. He is steady. He has conviction. He is the type of man you would want in your Men's Club or softball team. To me, he is just a great guy.

Stay strong Jeff. My turn...I think you are doing great. As for hobbies, what did you have/do prior to M? FIB